Eh, I like being civil. What I don't like is being told that safeguarding is transphobic and that women shouldn't have personal boundaries. Them's fightin' words.
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Hmm. OK, I'm glad I asked for clarification. I'm not sure we have as much disagreement as I thought. Are you saying that trans women should be treated as women except in rare cases where they are so gender nonconforming as to be visually indistinguishable from men?
I don't agree 100% but it does seem like a pretty small corner of the issue and maybe not worth disputing too strongly. It also sounds like you think passing is pretty important, maybe more important than genitals, which makes my standard thought experiment less relevant.
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My standard thought experiment (to lay cards on the table), being whether trans men should be allowed total access to women only spaces, regardless of how uncomfortable they make women, and how to stop cis men from pretending to be trans men.
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That's it, right there. While celebrated trans man Buck Angel would be welcomed by radfems for being born female, I'd be uncomfortable because he presents as a man. You actually have to be told he was born female, you wouldn't believe it if you saw him on one of his videos.
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Unless your danglies are on display and being waved around it's nobody's business what you've got down there. Be unobtrusive. Being intrusive is the problem.
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The counter would be that prejudiced people tend to treat 'going about our lives" as if its some big angry political statement all the time. But, to me it sounds like your error is more about thinking rare things are common than thinking non-scary things are scary.
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