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I feel similarly. Hated clothing marketed towards women in any form (even if it’s ‘masculine’) because I truly continue to feel removed from that. But I’d contest the notion that transition would exist without the contruct of gender.
Maybe for a lot of people it wouldn't, but for me my body could never feel like it belonged to me until it was masculinized. I did a lot of therapy aimed at "accepting myself" and it was worse than useless. But post transition I have little or no dysphoria at all.
Fair enough. I think that quite a lot, that I’d likely be happier with my body if I’d gone through with my transition. Wasn’t about being seen any kind of way by others, but about desiring looking in the mirror and seeing a man.
I know that by detransitioning, I’m likely risking a life plagued by dysphoria, which I wouldn’t wish on anyone. But for me it comes down to questioning where that dysphoria came from & how I came to see my body this way, as ‘wrong.’ I don’t think that’s biological.
Much like when I was anorexic. I would look in the mirror and desire a certain image of my body, not for anyone else but for myself, so I could be satisfied. I still wouldn’t encourage liposuction as treatment for such an affliction.
Hey, I was anorexic too! Fully symptom free for years before I transitioned, but I never lost the crawling feeling of body hatred... until I transitioned and now I no longer live with that. Transition is a medical miracle for those it helps.
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