Evan Urquhart

In addition, I've come to realize that, whoever I'm attracted to, in practice I've had a strong preference against men in who I date and have sex with.

I've and/or had sex with maybe 5-8 men and have dated and/or had sex with upwards of 30-40 people. That's fairly disproportionate.

I've also dated more people who came out as trans women after I started dating them than I have dated men. Which isn't normal for someone without this sort of preference.

What's more, it's grown stronger over time. Most of the men I've dated and/or had sex with have been pre-2016. Two have been post-2016. That's a trend which can't really be ignored.

That said, I've long struggled with this relationship to lesbianism. How it's felt like for awhile is that I'm on the outskirts of lesbianism. Not really inside of it, but not really outside of it, either. Both not a lesbian and not not a lesbian.

And that's not really the most comfortable place to be. Especially with the identity issues I've been having, it would be much better for me to be fully inside of lesbianism or fully outside of it, not in the liminal space at the edge of lesbianism.

So what this means is that I have strong reasons to not identify with any specific label and uncertainty about my relationship to lesbianism, but also a strong identification with a lot of stuff in lesbianism and a real, strong preference against men in who I date and fuck.

Where that leaves me is uncertain as to if I'm a lesbian or not and a strong desire for advice from people who do identify as a lesbian (which I have gotten some of in one on one conversations).