Something I’m learning about my dude self is that I have no fear when another guy is looking for a fight.
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I mean that literally. A guy in the bar tonight took a little swat at me as he passed by. He was approximately 6’5, maybe 380lbs. A huge fucking guy. He said “oh, sorry” after, like, punching me in the shoulder as he walked by, in a very overt physical thing.
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And I just... don’t even know why but I looked straight at him and said “Yeah, you better be sorry!” And then, loudly, “That guy just punched me in the fucking shoulder!” Let me draw you a picture. I am 5’2.
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It is no exaggeration to say that he could have taken on 3 of me at once. I am not strong. I am 40yrs old. I have never been in a fight. But something in me just... I guess it might help to know that I was bullied a lot as a kid, and I always backed down.
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And then I grew up and no one bullied me anymore, and it started to feel like no one ever would again. But now I’m a dude, and I guess that means sometimes you get bullied, even though you’re 40 yrs old.
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But l, I’m not backing down like I did when I was a kid. I KNOW that guy would put me in the hospital if I fought him. I’m under no illusions on that. But this time they’ll have to actually put me in the hospital, bc I’d rather that happen than take this shit.
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(I mean, I’d be very much happier if his friends told him to drop it, or like a bouncer broke things up, or what have you... but I’m not actually fearful of the worst case scenario, which so far seems to have helped a lot.)
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End of conversation
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