When I heard about the effects testosterone had on trans men's bodies I knew I wanted that, and began using the word trans.
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I never felt I was a boy, I felt I was a kid. Post-puberty, I understood that I preferred men's clothing, and eventually that the reason was bc it made my shape look more male (bc I HATED women's clothing in male/masculine styles).https://twitter.com/MagsVisaggs/status/1085211110163255301 …
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I consider myself binary trans/a trans man bc I want a binary male body, and because if I'd been born male I'd be cis. But I don't have an inner sense of my gender identity beyond having dysphoria about my body.
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I do struggle somewhat to talk about my experience in a way that doesn't conflict with the best ways to express nonbinary inclusion and acceptance of non-medically transitioning trans people.
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My internal experience of gender has a lot in common with people who consider themselves agender, but to my way of thinking- if I'd been born with a cis male body I'd just be unthinkingly, unreflectively cis, so that seems pretty binary to me.
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My maleness is a matter of how my body looks and how it's perceived by others. That's not the dominant way of talking or thinking about gender identity at the moment and I have no interest in imposing it on others. But, it's the honest answer for me.
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If medical transition wasn't available, I would have continued to use female pronouns and keep my name and ID. There was no particular "relief" for me in changing those, only in wearing men's clothes (which I could do before), and in hormonal and body changes.
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