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Realizing how much I'm in the minority on this, but I always saw bar fights as closer to the fun part of masculinity, not the toxic part. Knocking someone else around & getting knocked around in return felt like one of those things I was unfairly kept out of pre-transition.
I guess my ideas about bar fights were informed by a value on consent- I imagined opponents who were equally looking for trouble- and maybe that was romanticizing it more than I should.
I don't know quite how to put it... but I guess I spent my youth with a yearning for roughness, a feeling of being too contained, too forced to be nice all the time... and a bar fight was the promised land in a weird way.
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