This is like a bomb https://twitter.com/ContraPoints/status/1045018272603738112 …
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So, I'm going to write a thread riffing off my response to Contrapoints that I'm sure no one wants to read, but it's sort of burning a hole in my brain so here goes.
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Here's the thing. I didn't consider myself a man pre-transition, and I don't really consider my pre-transition self a man now. I accept and affirm that many trans people experience a deep inner sense of gendered self, but I didn't. Also, I consider myself a binary trans man.
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Pre-transition, I had terrible feelings of discomfort around having a female body. It was bad enough that I felt transitioning was warranted just to see if these bad feelings really were gender dysphoria and could go away.
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Here's a list of things that helped those feelings: 1. Dressing in male clothes 2. Binding 3. Starting testosterone 4. Passing as male Pronouns aren't on that list.
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When Contrapoints says that passing IS her transness, I don't know if she means what I mean, or if this is something a lot of binary trans people feel, but for me my desire to have a cis male body is at the heart of my transness.
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To some extent, I can never have a cis male body. And I definitely can't have a history of always having had a cis male body. But passing allows me not to have to think about that, and to get on with my life. And for me that's just... it.
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All the recognition of my gender in the world wouldn't help without a cis-passing male body. And, for me, the question of whether I'm "really" a man is very secondary to me. If people are seeing a man when they see me, that's the thing that feels real to me.
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I don't think this makes me more trans or realer trans than anybody, btw. I mean, I just admitted to not really seeing myself as a man pre-transition. I just admitted to not really having that strong a sense of my own gender. Obviously I'm not the transest trans.
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If a "transest trans" is even a thing,-which it's not- I'm not it. But my experience of being trans isn't about pronouns, or inner identity. It's about how my body looks and how I appear in the world. And if everyone's experience is valid, I expect that to be valid, too.
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End of conversation
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