Dylan Jenkins

@dylanisfunny

Stand Up Comedian based out of Portland. Provider of Netflix to 4-5 people at any given time.

Portland Oregon
Joined March 2013
1 Photo or video Photos and videos

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  1. Jul 16

    I have to admit that I am disappointed in for not selling a pack of 50 eggs.

    1 like
    Undo
  2. Jun 29

    I’ve been experimenting with drugs lately. This new shit called “8 hours of sleep” is legit.

    2 replies 1 retweet 13 likes
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  3. Jun 24

    I heard “Rock The Casbah” 12 times while at work today. Call me Shareef because I did not like it.

    7 likes
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  4. Jun 22

    No I do not want to borrow your “JonBidet Ramsey: Anal Angel” DVD! Please stop asking

    1 reply 11 likes
    Undo
  5. Jun 20

    rear ending a Tesla is the closest I will ever be to Thomas Edison.

    1 retweet 6 likes
    Undo
  6. Jun 16

    Has a unibrow ever been celebrated in LA before?

    2 likes
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  7. Jun 14

    One day I hope to have the confidence of someone taking a phone call while shitting in a public bathroom.

    9 likes
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  8. Jun 13

    Final Destination 13 is just going to be a group of parents deciding to NOT vaccinate their kids.

    Vaccinate your kids. Don’t be a fucking idiot.
    2 retweets 16 likes
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  9. Jun 4

    I read a Vice article that says human civilization will end by 2050. Oddly enough I assumed humanity would have ended much sooner when I read a Vice article in 2010 about how long it took 4 unpaid interns to shit themselves while wearing adult diapers.

    11 likes
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  10. Retweeted
    May 30

    There’s nothing better than a heated toilet seat unless it’s warmed naturally.

    1 retweet 2 likes
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  11. May 30

    Pascal Siakam sounds like an antidepressant with side effects that include but aren’t limited to Balling Out of Control and Dry Mouth

    2 likes
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  12. May 6

    The first draft of Avengers: Endgame had The Hulk going in a different direction, although Bruce Bruce Banner would have been great, I think they made the right decision with professor Hulk.

    Undo
  13. Retweeted
    May 3

    LeBron wanted Ty Lue cause last time Ty was with the Lakers he let a star player step all over him.

    1 reply 1 retweet 2 likes
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  14. Retweeted
    May 2

    Did you know if you walk through someone's vape cloud you can actually see the last time they thought about going back to college?

    1 retweet 9 likes
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  15. Apr 30

    Shout out to all the Bagpipers out there putting in the work to learn both of the bagpipe songs.

    1 reply 16 likes
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  16. Apr 29

    I knew Ned Stark was coming back!

    1 like
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  17. Apr 20

    How many fatal car crashes have happened while “Last Kiss” was playing on the radio?

    2 replies 3 likes
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  18. Apr 19

    Sometimes when I’m feeling down I put on NBA highlights and when someone takes a shot I say “MONEY!”

    1 reply 1 retweet 3 likes
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  19. Apr 16

    Watching the left left decide on a presidential candidate is like watching George Costanza choose a girlfriend.

    2 likes
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  20. Apr 15

    Watching someone fly around on dragons is more believable than watching a dude with a bleached blonde mustache say he doesn’t have an ego.

    1 retweet 3 likes
    Undo

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