It's been 16 years and my friend still texts me every Good Friday about the lady who got mad at us at our bakery job because we wouldnt sell her the frozen pre-fried eggplant we used as a pizza topping and she said "More like BAD FRIDAY" and stormed out of the store.
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sarah dufrau
@dufrau
Official Nancy Wheeler Correspondent 
i am probably older than your dad.
i am probably older than your dad.sarah dufrau’s Tweets
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in her defense you *did* post it to the Janie Lee Johnson's Facebook For Kids **NO DRILLS ALLOWED** group
Just got this absolutely BONKERS email from Gamescience dice??? It doesn't really make any sense at all but I definitely feel like I don't want to buy dice from them anymore???
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Now if only we could come up with a word for one-sided, uninvited "flirting".
There should be an iced coffee truck, like an ice cream truck but for iced coffees, so on nice days you hear a little jingle jangly tune and run outside and then you have an iced coffee. Basically, bring me an iced coffee right now please.
I was discussing twitter lists with my boyfriend and he said he uses them, so naturally i was like "what list am I on" and he had me under LOCAL PALS. We had been together 10 years!
KARA IS A REPORTER WHO ONLY INTERVIEWS LENA. SHE IS THE OFFICIAL LENA LUTHOR CORRESPONDENT. #Supergirl #QueerEl
But, like do you know? Straight people? You have genres. We have one genre, which is that we actually get to exist but probably we die young
Tbh my only memory of D.A.R.E. is that in my junior year of college a police officer hit me with the D.A.R.E. minivan.
When I play Bad North eventually I get to a point where it's very overwhelming and I quit for a while and then when I come back I can't remember which enemies are which so I have made this very professional cheat sheet
That...was court.
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SEE YOU IN COURT, THE SECURITY OF OUR NATION IS AT STAKE!
ANYWAY, a horse is smarter than Toby but I'm supposed to believe he beat Spencer at Scrabble? TWICE? #Booradleyvancullen
If you are considering becoming a pet owner, you really need to stop and consider how much time you're willing to commit to complimenting them on their yawns and stretches. It's a big responsibility, not to be taken lightly.
im gonna be honest this autostraddle stuff today is extremely disheartening on a number of levels and the lack of official comment from them about it feels shady as hell.
i am so used to not knowing who bands are that i looked at the botnik coachella lineup and didn't even question it
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My kitten is obsessed with the ribbon on a stick too! He drags it around the house 😂
if i was a billionaire who had everything i ever needed except enough attention, i would just write fanfiction for the thrill of getting comments like a normal person
The wildest most startling thing is that along with a bottomless capacity for sadness we also have this limitless capacity to just love stuff. Like, a cat! A dog! A commercial with surprise lesbians! Some teenagers being better adults than most adults! The radness of stuff!
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i am writing fanfic in my google docs and it is actually very upsetting 🙃
Billionaires should have to just stay in their castles and shut the fuck up. You hoarded this swimming pool full of coins, now you gotta drown in it. Stop giving them book deals. Stop letting them run for office. Don't even let them tweet. Talk to your yachts bitch.
"Given the small size of the company and low turnover and my few years left before retirement, I am not likely to have a pregnant employee again."
Like what kinda fucked up Pokemon Go are you trying to play here?
. tells us US delegation is more women than men. Proceeds to only show men in the parade. #OpeningCeremony
#KillingEve is like if somebody watched #PersonOfInterest and looked at the Shoot relationship and asked "How do we make this the entire show?" And then they did that exact thing. Perfectly.
Aria: I was 16! I didn't know better than to call Ezra a predator!
Like. Girl. You are so close. Take that last step. #booradleyvancullen
Autostraddle's greatest gift to us is that they are eternally rewatching the L Word so that we don't ever have to.
I like Wynonna Earp a lot but it also makes me super uncomfortable seeing so many people i like and respect acting like it's sacred and perfect. It's not normal for people to be afraid to criticize a damn TV show.
stop trying to make men happen.
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It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superman! Tyler Hoechlin is officially returning to @TheCWSupergirl: eonli.ne/2p2IWxN
GIF
if the younger generation thinks you're uncool because of your hair or clothes or whatever, this is the natural order and you should be pleased. if they think you're uncool because of your politics though that's probably a you problem.
Maybe Lady Gaga's performance will climax with her opening the Ark of the Covenant and cleansing us of our nazis.
it's really hard being in love with fictional people being in love with each other.
What is even the point of a government that doesn't prioritize keeping citizens ALIVE? #SaveACA
My hot take re: the royal wedding is that it was really nice to wake up to everybody on my timeline being happy about something.
I dont really watch award shows because i get offended when dudes win even in the dude categories.
Okay guys. Don't panic. We are still deciding on names. But our household has officially expanded.
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The writing style is like... the way we react when we read a tr*mp response to a question and its like "how can anybody see this and think it makes any sense at all???" but like... This makes me think that maybe it's just a whole language I don't understand.
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When my niece was a baby she didnt cry much at all and my dad was babysitting her once and was like "check this out" and put one of her toys in a Stove Top Stuffing box and then she cried for the entire rest of the day.
All I'm saying is that if I can find the strength to disavow Diane Keaton, Diane Keaton should be able to find the strength to disavow Woody Allen.
Today we said goodbye to our sweet Budgie. My tiniest, gentlest, best friend, my soulmate, the absolute light of my life. She gave me everything she had for almost 20 years and I am so grateful to have known her. Oh my sweet old broad. 💔
Who is voting for this clown? If a car salesman talked to you this way you'd walk right out. I wouldnt buy a popsicle from him. #debatenight
Remember when the writers had an entire season to turn this breadstick into anything useful or interesting and all they came up with was "let's send him to space, then when he comes back we can act like he became interesting and/or useful without ever having to actually write it"
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Mon-El begins training Kara in fighting techniques in tonight's new #Supergirl at 8/7c on The CW! @TheCWSupergirl
This convention has been goddamn beautiful. I did not expect to be so consistently proud. Just damn. #DemsInPhilly
"I LOVE BEER" is a pretty big part of my brand and is VERY true but in real life that generally translates to "I POURED A DELICIOUS BEER AT 7PM AND IT IS STILL HALF FULL AT 9:24PM AND I AM GETTING SLEEPY BECAUSE I AM OLD AS THE HILLS."
Also, like, coal is not "essentially evil"? Are trees "essentially evil" because people won't stop cutting them down? Coal, just, like, EXISTS. It's not the coal's fault we burn it!
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i was working on an audiobook this morning and i kept being like, whoop, better pause so I can read this man telling me i am wrong
"Likes" are basically just twitter read-receipts now, but I would sincerely miss that easy little validation that I am not just screaming into the void.
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@MaraWritesStuff This is my cat's highschool yearbook photo. http://t.co/eNVonSqSDM
For the next 30 days I'm donating $1 per beer I drink to the . And if you hang out with me ill do it for your beers too! #drinkforgood
youtube just served me a 2 minute long skippable ad about charlize theron's atomic blonde stunt training and i watched the whole damn thing
Acting awful is being awful. People who act awful are choosing that behavior because they are awful. There is no "it's just an act."
LISTEN i just think twitter should see this too it is too important to only say on tumblr this is something we all need to take in and give some serious consideration #ronance
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Wow sounds like a perfect angel who has never done anything wrong to me
The best thing would be if all of these unhinged taylor swift conspiracy theories were completely true, not because I care if shes gay or whatever just because the idea of a person staging an elaborate decade long murderboard easter egg hunt coming out party is insane and amazing
Finished and gosh I'm just overwhelmed with love for everybody involved in making this show. I could not have dreamed it this good. 💜💜💜💜💜 #LeagueOfTheirOwn #ALeagueOfTheirOwn
ANYWAY. I hope you realize that if you unfollow me for criticizing a TV show you will be missing out on some topnotch Cat Content. 🤗
The thing about Nico is that I forget he exists until he's onscreen, and frankly I think Eve feels the same way. #KillingEve
Villanelle is like a gift for all of us who have ever said "she could murder me and I wouldn't be mad" about a character. They heard us, and gave us a lady who would happily murder us. AND I STILL WOULDN'T BE MAD. #killingeve #MurderLadySunday
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and it also feels like bad business, because they rely on crowdfunding and they're not telling us anything so the message we're left sitting with is "give us more of your money in 6 months so we can fire more of your favorite writers." i dunno man it just feels bad!
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legit, Facebook is actually useful for this. events>popular with people you know.
I posted this on Instagram earlier but I honestly think this might be the best cat picture I have taken in my entire illustrious career so I want to make sure EVERYBODY sees it.
Osaka played an excellent match, she deserves the win. The ref has stolen the legitimacy of that win and should be banned. #USOpen
Dudes only seem to get mad about dudes being villains when chicks get to be heros.
You are turning away refugees and stealing Healthcare from American citizens. That is not a "culture of life", you evil dunce.
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.@POTUS and I stand with the @March_for_Life. Be assured, we will not rest until we restore a culture of life for ourselves & our posterity.
Okay. Just. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES CANNOT BE IN A DECADE LONG ONE-SIDED FEUD WITH ROSIE O'DONNELL.#debatenight
BREAKING NEWS: Our cats now have names. They are:
Boy: Rosey, short for Roosevelt.
Girl: Agatha when she's being a ghostly hermit. Aggie when she is being a sweet pet beggar.
MY CATS!
RELAX GUYS, THEY HAVE ONE BISEXUAL ON STAFF AND THEY "GET ALONG". #diversity
adam levine's tattoos somehow make him look even more generic. plain adam levine might be a real guy. tattoo adam levine is an NBA 2k13 create a player with every tattoo equipped all at once.
kinda spoiled ass fandom gets mad when two hot lady superheroes do the quintanna wedding cake smash
I would like to have a baked potato party which is where we all get together and bake a ton of potatoes and also make any and everything a person could ever want to put on their baked potato and then we eat the baked potatoes with the other foods on them. ALL WHILE BEING FRIENDS.
Where is the spark? This whole tournament we've looked like a bunch of great soccer players who have never met each other before. #USAvCAN
Like the world is very bad but my scared little aggie who they told us would never be friendly is fast asleep on a pile of toys a couple feet away from me in the middle of the living room, safe as houses, and we gave her that security. It might not be much but it aint nothing.
My hair is of a length right now where it does this perfect breaking wave on top. A+ I'm cute.
A boy greeting his mama upon her return from a long trip to the dumpsters to throw away the cat bed he just peed in for no reason.
Having a hard time paying attention to the soccer in this soccer game tbh. I need a list of anybody who stands in this tournament so I can make sure to never accidentally cheer for them.
That was probably the most "do you even watch your own show???" ending I have ever seen. It felt like they ran out of space on the page and had to squeeze an ending in under the last line. Bafflingly bad. #killingeve
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Defend this. Try, even. What was the show lacking and how does he improve it in ways other new characters on the show do not?
"By renaming my company L Corp, I will usher in a new age where everybody on this show is lesbians." #QueerEl #Supergirl