I’m now coming to terms with the fact that people now know about my autism than I wished. I had some close friends and confidants find out by choice, but beyond them and my family, it was not something I didn’t want my wider circle to know about.
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I’m staring to come round now emotionally. The worst of my spiral has passed and I’m generally balanced now, but still feel hollow about it in a way.
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I’m very usually an open person who wears their heart in their sleeve, very open with MH struggles and queer stuff. But my autism was the one thing I guarded with my life and was the one thing I wanted to keep private. That’s gone now. And I have to live with that now.
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Johnny Cullen podał/a dalej Johnny Cullen
The funny thing is that it made me sink to my lowest point mentally and hit rock bottom that I basically openly admitted that the “one opportunity I’ve been clamoring for nearly fifteen years” I mentioned in the blog was to work for
@eurogamer.https://twitter.com/johnnycullen/status/1154067964871761923?s=21 …Johnny Cullen dodał/a,
Johnny Cullen @JohnnyCullenFuck it. I’ve waited nearly fifteen years, I’m at my lowest ebb mentally and have nothing to lose at this point because you can’t go further than rock bottom. Hey@eurogamer. You have no idea how much I love you and you have no idea how much I want to join up with you. https://twitter.com/ryanestrada/status/1153096268169670656 …Pokaż ten wątek1 odpowiedź 0 podanych dalej 1 polubionyPokaż ten wątek -
If you’ve known me for a long time, I’ve referred to something known as The Masterplan. That was it. Move to Brighton. Work for Eurogamer. Because hey, you don’t miss the shots you don’t take, right? Or however that saying goes.
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ANYWAY... I guess what I should say to wrap this up is this: I never wanted this out there, but that’s it. It’s out. And I have to move on with it. I’m not gonna publicly talk of my autism ever again after this thread. But in a sense, it’s a new start now it’s out there.
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And I guess in the smallest way imaginable, it’s closure in a way. Hollow closure. But closure. And I’ll be honest. I’m legit scared to see people I love and care about come EGX time in October (booking all that tomorrow). But it’s time to start moving on. And maybe that’s good?
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One last thing and I promise, that’s it. Thank you to everyone who sent tweets, DMs, messages and comments on not just the blog, but the documentary. I appreciate them so much. I’ll respond to them all personally, including the ones I sorta responded to when I was in a bad way.
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Finally, my fucking brilliant team at
@gamedailybiz, who were kind and supportive when I shared the blog link in our Slack. To@AmandaFarough@Futterish@Bright_Pixels@sdesatoff@sarahthebeef: y’all are amazing, I’m lucky to work with you and I love y’all.

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And that’s it. That’s the thread. I apologise for its length, but I wanted to provide closure to this and to myself. So thanks for letting me have that. As of this tweet, consider the matter closed. /thread
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I see the courage it took to put all this out here in the way you did, and admire it. You're good and valid.
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W odpowiedzi do @duckvalentine
Reb, There are so many things I wish I could say that could adequately describe how wonderful and amazing you are. For now, the best I can conjure up is you’re brilliant and an incredible friend. Thank you. :)







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