David Smiedt

@Dsmiedt

Sydney-based comedian, writer and bon vivant

Sydney
davidsmiedt.com.au
Joined September 2009
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  1. May 21

    Ballet for my Valentine.

    1 reply 1 like
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  2. May 20

    ‘As per’ ger’s: Syndrome by which colleagues feel compelled to constantly refer to previous emails.

    2 likes
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  3. May 16

    I’d like to hear Sean Connery say ‘recyclables’.

    4 likes
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  4. Apr 26

    Drag name of the day: Glandular Lansbury

    2 likes
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  5. Retweeted
    Apr 22
    Replying to

    Also:

    22 replies 106 retweets 1,270 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    Apr 22

    To cheer myself up I have refound one of my favourite *ever* corrections

    239 replies 4,070 retweets 36,840 likes
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  7. Apr 23

    Remember when posts didn’t start with ‘Remember’?

    6 likes
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  8. Apr 18

    If I was a Fast & Furious character, my name would be NOSferatu.

    1 reply
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  9. Mar 13

    At the game is a billboard that reads “we do medical negligence”

    1 like
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  10. Retweeted
    Mar 7

    𝗙𝗹𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵.

    9,681 replies 170,374 retweets 883,075 likes
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  11. Mar 4

    I really want the opening line of Simply The Best to be “Colin, I need you my heart’s on fire”

    4 likes
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  12. Retweeted
    Mar 4

    Genius. Australian tabloid prints an extra 4 blank pages at the end in response to panic over toilet paper

    0:24
    YES, WE ACTUALLY DID PRINT IT
    14 replies 211 retweets 372 likes
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  13. Mar 4

    Every comic in my feed has been doing toilet paper jokes. has officially won.

    Genius. Australian tabloid prints an extra 4 blank pages at the end in response to panic over toilet paper
    2 likes
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  14. Feb 9

    The brilliant James Colley

    Parasite wins despite there being no host.
    Show this thread
    1 like
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  15. Jan 27

    I think we could be doing better on pill testing. My latest feature for

    2 replies 2 retweets 4 likes
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  16. Jan 11

    Massive thanks to Benedict Armitage for his incredible bid. We have a winner!

    1 reply 5 likes
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  17. Jan 6

    Hoping to contribute in some way. Winning bid in Sydney gets a signed and hand-delivered copy of each of my last two books - From Russia With Lunch and Are We There Yet - plus a 20-minute stand up performance at your place for mates (perhaps not kids) Bid in dms

    7 retweets 8 likes
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  18. 18 Nov 2019

    Everbody stop what you’re doing immediately and watch this clip from the brilliant new show Two strangers both get taught the same dance but only meet for the first time to perform it.

    This Tweet is unavailable.
    1 retweet
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  19. 16 Nov 2019

    People who continually point out the clearly noticeable should be called obvstetricians

    2 likes
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  20. 16 Nov 2019

    I’m 51 and I’m yet to see a sportsperson with a balance of class and talent like

    You know how people say ‘I’m not crying, you’re crying’. I’m crying. To think how accessible all the players make themselves to young fans and how much this means to those fans is everything.
    1 reply 5 retweets 21 likes
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