Tentative hypothesis about how a lot of trauma and trauma-like things work: Accumulation of mental resources that we don't want to deal with.
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The biggest problem though is that this gets harder and harder to deal with over time because these lessons keep accumulating. You learn not just that a situation will be bad, but also that your mind will react badly to it, and everything just kinda snowballs.
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On top of that, because now when bad things happen you end up in a snowstorm of distinct negative responses, you can't really deal with any of them because they're so intertangled.
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In the system working as intended you can unlearn the lesson by working with it and going "OK, that didn't work" when it didn't. But when your brain is just full of negative static it's not even clear what the lesson you're trying to address is.
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In order to start to undo this you have to resist the initial urge to suppress. Sometimes you will feel bad, and sometimes that will be the appropriate response to the situation. If it's not the appropriate response, you can use the situation to start to unlearn the bad feeling.
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A lot of therapeutic techniques (but most centrally coherence therapy) are essentially there to help you isolate out a single lesson that you've learned, so that you can activate it on its own without the storm of negative emotions, and start to address it.
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I don't know if this model is true, but it seems potentially useful.
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If nothing else, it supports my biases that the cult of positive thinking can get in the sea.
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