He proceeded to violate me with his fingers and tried to actually penetrate me. It didn't fit and he gave up and went back to his room. The next day we did a photo shoot on the beach and there's pictures on my old laptop of me in a bikini with him holding me from behind.
I wasn't able to explain that if I'm comfortable with the person and I'm sure they won't just leave after getting some a few times, im open to having sex. Do I seek sex out? No. Do I want it? Not really. Do I enjoy it? Not really.
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I'm relieved that I'm now with someone who is accepting of the fact that I'm asexual and not always comfortable with sex or any sort of sexual contact aside from kissing. We have open discussions on what I'm comfortable with and not comfortable with.
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Tldr: I'm asexual because of abuse and manipulation. My biggest fear is having sex with someone and then they just leave.
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