I have already met my deductible, my doctor and I decided that now, while everything is telehealth and so many docs have openings, to get these tests: Mammogram/Ultrasound (I have a... maybe lump? I also have lost ton of weight so maybe it's just my boob?) I'm 43. Getting done.
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Study for sleep apnea. I probably have it. I am overweight, and have giant tonsils. I'm like 8 years overdue for an MRI of my inner ears and brain. Etc. Etc. One of these things is to see a neuro about these migraines.
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Anyway, to treat me, neuro wants me completely off of medications that treat headaches or pain. Ha. HA HA HA. Also they want me off of my maintenance vertigo meds. HA HA HAHAHA Also they put me, a person with a low BP, on 80 mg of propranolol. So much fun!!!
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I actually already came off caffeine completely when I have the flu, so that's one thing down, but this is a goal to do these things in 2-3 months. I don't know if it's possible. So now I have pain medicine with no tylenol. This has revealed a fever that is low but persistent.
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I know the COVID tests are not...exceptionally accurate right now. I really hated telling my new manager about it but she needs to know as far in advance as possible.
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Anyway, I feel physically awful. I feel a bit guilty about work, but I mainly feel.......scared. I don't want to die alone in my apartment. I don't.... want to die alone and have my body rot in a truck.
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I have life insurance. My family knows my wishes. But some of the work I am doing on my bedroom is that so if I do have to die alone, I will do it in a calming, beautiful space. I'm managing about 30-60 minutes a day. I wish I could just call the 1-800 Junk people.
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Have them take things away. But the weight loss I've experienced means I should probably hold onto my extra clothes for now. Focus on the goal. Rest. The short time I spend cleaning my space is enough exercise. Hydrate.
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I'm not going to do this until I feel better. Right now, I can't tell if the increased pain is illness or going off my pain medicine. I started to have vertigo. I still have a headache. I'm already off caffeine but they told me I couldn't even have an occasional Earl Grey.
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I may have mentioned that my Grandma H, who died in 1999, quit caffeine and smoking in the same year. Cold turkey. She was a formidable woman. So am I. But there's not a really good reason to try to do this while I'm sick. There's no reason to make myself feel worse.
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Hugs. This sounds awful.
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