I finished teaching for the semester today and miraculously didn't burst into tears in class -- teaching 3 very different courses while on the job market has been the hardest pedagogical challenge I've faced yet, especially as each course challenged my assumptions abt teaching.
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Teaching from contingency, from disability, from queerness toward collective vulnerability in my classroom was both the most liberating pedagogical process to put into practice but also the most demanding and emotionally draining in encounters with difficult sources.
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My students showed me the greatest forms of compassion during some of the hardest points of this semester when I neither felt certain nor confident about my work as a scholar and teacher. Should a more seasoned, more secure person be guiding my students?
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I don't know, and in truth, I don't think it matters: my students, in many ways, guided themselves and me. They push the boundaries of what I imagined these courses to be and helped to address the stakes question in ways I, myself, am only just now processing in reflection.
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It's hard not imagining the end of my career in May. But for now, I have 2 more courses to teach for this postdoc. A job to do, students to serve, hopefully to their benefit and to their flourishing.
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