greg h.

But okay what if his intention was “supportive?” Does that work? If you get up in the morning and your partner says “I have an idea: let’s eat a meal.” And you go “Holy shit that is GENIUS!” Is that “supportive?” To me that’s just lying. Maybe be glad you didn’t marry me.

But okay, what if his intention was “supportive?” Like if you get up in the morning and your partner says, “I have an idea: let’s eat a meal.” And you go “Holy shit that is GENIUS!” Is that “supportive?” To me that’s just lying. I don’t know. Maybe be glad you didn’t marry me.

I just shared this story with my wife and she said “Maybe he was just being supportive.” But I think she’s wrong. I think the dude was was one of those dipshit human puppies who greets any blip on the sensory radar with a stream of gratuitous superlatives.

Shatterproof glass. Satellite navigation. Putting lime on mangoes. Those seem like great ideas. But “Let’s see if we can find our thing at the global online warehouse of every single thing on Earth?” I don’t know. I just don’t think that idea meets the definition of “great.”

A couple at the CVS on Centinela were shopping for a particular lotion and when they couldn’t find it she turned to him and said “Let’s look for it on Amazon” and he replied, “Oh my god that’s a great idea!” But I have to ask, is that idea really GREAT?

If you’re a guest judge on Beat Bobby Flay and you’re served a dish with Fresno chiles in it and you don’t realize you’re eating Bobby’s meal you’re a fucking huge moron have a great night.

I try very hard not to be “things used to be better” guy, but it does seem like in the 90s and even through the early 2000s public restroom toilet paper rolls were engineered to snap off after 5-7 squares whereas today that number is closer to 2 or 3.

I've just returned from a week in the Pacific NW and can confidently allay any fears that global warming has impacted the population of driftwood bear carvings.

I realized today how emotionally unprepared I am for the first time I overhear a human being say, out loud, “I’m sent with confetti excited!”

By 11AM today... -Homemade avocado toast (with homemade pickled onions) -Dropped Prius off for maintenance -Ordered to stop smoking weed by acupuncturist I FUCKING DARE YOU TO HAVE A MORE LOS ANGELES MORNING.

How much cooler would that movie be be if the ONLY band people remembered was The Beatles and after the blackout and his little bike crash that guy immediately released Illmatic, Reign in Blood, OK Computer, Bitches Brew and Lemonade.

Upon entering LA, all transplants should be required to take this oath, “I swear to make a right on red and pull my car into the intersection to make a left. If I break this oath, I'll return to where I’m from and admit to my high school friends that my dreams were too big."

The most genuinely Said No One Ever thing in the history of Said No One Ever is "Let's put our freshest and most delicious fish in the poke bowls."

There is no such thing as a "best decade" in music. There are only people who get older and stop digging for what's great right now.https://twitter.com/MrChuckD/status/1138628441794854912 …

Criminally underrated fun word to say: phlebotomist

Just bumped shopping carts with a super old lady stocking up on toilet paper. And, in the the awkward beat before we backed up and redirected, it briefly crossed my mind to look at her, smile and say “Wow. Still peein’ huh?”

A song is playing in the Trader Joe’s at Palms/Sepulveda with the chorus “Come on over/down to the corner/sisters and my brothers.” I don’t know what it is but if you hear even 10secs of it your day - or week - will be ruined. Pls wait in your car AT LEAST 5mins before shopping.