- parents kept me from friends bc they didn’t want me “turning gay” - moved to new school, met trans boy & his trans girl friend - around that time emo tumblr switched from a focus on feminism to gender identity ideology - trans boy liked me, told him I was bi but rly liked girls
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- he insisted that I might be trans too bc I didn’t “act cis”; trans girl bullied me for having a period and begged me to teach her abt femininity even tho I hated it & rarely performed it - abusive on/off again relationship ensued with abusive trans boy (Cont)
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- won’t get into details bc I developed PTSD after this but he repeatedly cheated but convinced me he was the only person who supported me bc my parents were “transphobic” - we started our high school GSA together - went to a GSA training conference that was 100% abt trans
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- I was the only person there using she/her pronouns and was made to feel guilty for “cis privilege”; starting identifying as non-binary afterwards - keep in mind I’ve had anxiety disorders & depression since age 7 - trans boy told me non-binary wasn’t real & I was only trans if-
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I transitioned - I talked to him abt wanting a new name & he gave me one (not Jesse, my current name) - convinced me I needed to start passing as a boy so I bought a binder & $300 packer & came out to my school - school obviously didn’t take this well (Cont)
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- my parents got increasingly angry and the trans boy convinced me to run away from them & stay with him for a while - he coerced me into having “sex” with him right after crying my eyes out in his bedroom bc I, yknow, left my parents & home over trans identity (Cont)
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- around this time I also spoke at a panel with trans boy at a trans health conference; trans boy was (is?) on the board of TransOhio - trans adults started friending me (age 17) on Facebook and commending me for my “bravery” in running away/committing to transition (Cont)
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- trans boy eventually abandoned me for the umpteenth time but we ended up going to the same college bc I couldn’t financially go elsewhere on my own - trans boy called the police on me on my 7th day at school for “being in his room” and “being threatening” (I was invited over)
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- started telling our friends (small campus; all the LGBT kids) I was actually a lesbian obsessed with him just pretending to be trans - felt the need to prove myself so I took a greyhound to an informed consent clinic in Chicago after my 18th birthday (Cont)
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- they prescribed me on T that same day bc I had “traveled so far and normally they wait for 2 appointments but I seemed just SO SURE” - I was on T for the year that followed but every shot I had a panic attack and didn’t understand why but felt I HAD to do it
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- my girlfriend (who is also now detransitioned) started having doubts and we talked about it and went back to identifying as non-binary instead of trans men for a bit - after going on vacation to Colorado with her family, we realized we couldn’t keep doing this anymore
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- as of February this year I stopped taking T. I had gotten my gender marker & name changed in spring 2017. My gender marker is changed back to F now, but I kind of like my name bc it’s gender neutral.
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My girlfriend (of almost 2.5 years now!) and I now live in Chicago with our 2 cats and have been off T for about 10 months! Some of the “irreversible T effects” like my voice have actually reversed somewhat, but other things remain the same (like clit size).
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I feel a lot better just acknowledging my truth as a gender non-conforming/androgynous bi/lesbian(?) female. Labels are whatever, i’m still 19 (20 on the 20rh!) and figuring things out. Trans is a lie tho. Living your truth is expressing yourself without medical intervention!
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Forgot to mention I also did an internship last year (still on T; identifying as a trans man) where I worked on a trans documentary and that was kinda where I began to “peak trans”... everything covered seemed so fake? Like issues were rly non-issues.
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Who cares if trans people are allowed to serve in the military? Who gives a shit if people feel weird about their bodies? Body Dysphoria isn’t always tied to gender identity. And besides, most of the stories were ppl who grew up gay and were bullied for it :|
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