Matthew Deutsch

@DNTTR

If ever hit by a car, I will jump, set my hands on the hood of the car to get leverage, flip, and land safely.

donottrustthisrobot.com
Joined February 2011
6 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Retweeted
    22 Nov 2016

    Me: You're a politician, stop tweeting like this. Inner me: You're too lit to politic.

    731 replies 129,048 retweets 259,043 likes
  2. Retweeted
    23 Dec 2015

    i wish more words rhymed with darth vader I guess not every poem needs to rhyme

    212 replies 7,701 retweets 18,797 likes
  3. Retweeted
    24 Dec 2015

    current status: in a sarlacc pit but emotionally

    130 replies 16,164 retweets 25,391 likes
  4. Retweeted
    28 Dec 2015

    ~you are what you love, not who loves you~ i'm darth vader

    174 replies 7,406 retweets 17,151 likes
  5. Retweeted
    29 Dec 2015

    what's the word for when your father is frozen in carbonite but emotionally for your whole childhood

    322 replies 15,973 retweets 34,112 likes
  6. 18 Jan 2015

    Ha Ha Ha Ha!

    1 reply
  7. 18 Jan 2015

    Ha Ha Clinton Dix with the postseason pick!

  8. 17 Jan 2015

    Not enough donuts, too many cops @DerKomissar99

    1 like
  9. Retweeted
    23 Nov 2014

    Words I never thought I would say. "David Tyree has competition for best catch by a NYG"

    8 replies 130 retweets 120 likes
  10. Retweeted
    20 May 2014

    What happens when engineers design dog toys? Check it out:

    21 replies 125 retweets 135 likes
  11. Retweeted
    4 May 2014

    3AM is not an AM I should know.

    13 replies 32 retweets 99 likes
  12. 21 Apr 2014

    Squarescape is the best puzzle game I've ever played. Seriously, it's available on both iPhone and Android, so you have no excuse. Get it.

  13. Retweeted
    21 Mar 2014

    The parabolic arc of every made Virginia three is terminating in 's man region.

    6 retweets 9 likes
  14. Retweeted
    2 Mar 2014

    If only Bradley's arm was longer. Best photo ever.

    223,408 replies 3,446,887 retweets 2,409,665 likes
  15. Retweeted
    30 Jan 2014

    Damn, people in NY REALLY hate Joe Buck. RT : ...

    22 replies 99 retweets 74 likes
  16. 2 Jan 2014

    The PR that Kluwe gives the Vikings should have been worth any amount of money - the Vikings are idiots for firing him.

    1 like
  17. Retweeted
    30 Dec 2013

    The coach firings make the day after the NFL season ends seem like the last scene in a Godfather movie.

    74 replies 1,224 retweets 884 likes
  18. Retweeted
    29 Dec 2013

    My new favorite player Lance Moore broke the three pump rule!

    44 replies 571 retweets 768 likes
  19. 9 Aug 2013

  20. 9 Aug 2013

    Wait - the Jets picked up Billy Cundiff?

    1 reply 1 like

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