59. Regular baby socks do not stay on. Long ones are a little better.
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70. One of my tell-tale signs of an unhappy co-parenting dynamic is a very high ratio of parents assigning childcare tasks to each other vs. noticing things they personally care about and doing those things.
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71. I reject “for healthy development, the dad should be like x and the mom should be like y” archetype stuff. I do assume they accurately describe trends. And I assume at most half of it is gendered independently of who is the primary vs secondary caregiver.
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72. I waffle between “cities are super underrated as places to raise kids” and “nah I’m just weird”.
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73. Occasionally I see really dramatic as-seen-in-books results from “techniques” like empathizing with kids or giving them choices, but it’s rare. It seems to be more common when the kid has a broad empathy or choice deficit.
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74. Lots of kids intuitively describe their feelings as being located in their bodies. I assume at some point this is commonly socialized out, but I don’t have confident models of when or how.
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75. Nature videos are a notable intersection of "no one would disapprove of you for letting your kid watch this” and “way too emotionally painful for lots of kids”.
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76. Healthcare as signaling that you care is a big thing. Band-aids are largely this, and they moderately offend my aesthetic. Doesn’t mean I refuse them if the kid is asking.
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77. When people want compliance and tweak their voice/body language until they get it, it’s very easy for them to fall into optimizing for scaring/shaming the kid even when that wasn’t the plan.
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78. Of course I don’t make my kids hug relatives, yet I’m low-key mad at the meme about this bc: -it makes it seem like this is important bc of sexual assault, which
-predictably gets vitriolic responses
-is a tiny part of routine kid autonomy violationPrikaži ovu nit -
79. Facebook ads for beautifully tasteful “screen-free” wooden electronic toys that maybe even teach programming have got to be peak *something* right!??!?! Or does it keep going from here...
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80. Grocery shopping and running errands with your kids used to be very common stay-at-home-parent activities, but this seems to be less true every year, and I expect the trend to continue.
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81. Feels tricky to talk about gracefully, but online mom communities that aren’t conservative-leaning seemed to be trending more and more social-justice aligned. Inclusivity statements, library of readings to educate yourself with. Whole nine yards. I see pros and cons.
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82. Also filed under almost-too-obvious: Pretty pictures aren’t very good evidence about how happy people’s families are.
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83. With kids who are having trouble, there seems to be a trajectory from “I don’t want to define my kid with labels”/frame this as a big deal to a savvier plan to collect as many as possible to get maximum access to potentially useful services for the kid.
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84. Parenting as life work can be pretty lonely in the sense that often literally no one is modeling what hard stuff you are doing and how it’s mattering. Especially since there’s this weird collective load-bearing narrative that minimizes the role of skill in parenting.
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85. The standard economy of parenting advice is very about lived experience, not stuidies or abstractions. So if you haven’t been through x with your own kid yet you want to comment on it, the standard smooth move is to be vulnerable about how x was for you as a kid.
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86. Even people who don’t lie to kids often totally scramble their affect and reactions to things that happen when interfacing with kids. Kinda like how adults on shows for toddlers act. I doubt it’s a huge deal in small doses, but I intuitively mistrust it.
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87. In order to relate harmoniously, parents often pick an epistemically dubious justification for why it’s okay that different families prioritize radically different things. Stuff like: “Well, you know your kids best.”
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88. I did not expect nearly so many kids shows to be reboots of things I watched as a kid!!
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89. Sometimes warnings or admonitions not to do things are basically experienced as hypnotic suggestions for the kid *to* do the thing :-(.
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90. Some parents rely heavily on the “we are connected and we all want the same thing” frame with kids, and I do think it’s warm and can truly reduce conflict. But then what about when everyone doesn’t want the same thing...
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91. Most kids prefer more focused time where adults are present and really there for them than they get. Most adults prefer more of this too. It seems to be a scarce commodity overall.
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92. Taking care of sick kids while you yourself is sick is pretty miserable for a mundane thing that happens all the time and doesn’t mean anything is actually wrong.
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93. A different way of saying 90 is that with kids it’s often hard to simultaneously be clear about which things are negotiable and not to anchor on your BATNA.
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94. Modern American culture is pro being open about loving your kids and thinking they are the best ever, and I appreciate that—not all cultures are!
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95. There is huge variation in how much parents play with their kids.
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96. Watching people parent gives a whole bunch of info even when I’ve talked to them about parenting for many, many hours. Many of the most important things people do with their kids are things they totally take for granted and would never think to mention.
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97. One of the very best things about being a parent is it clearly isn’t a bullshit job. It’s so viscerally obvious that the kids matter, and that goes a long way.
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98. Parents die :-(, and people cut all external ties with parents, but even then it’s rarely possible to cut ties with the parents that live in our heads.
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99. In a sane world, children would consult their parents early and often about their financial and romantic affairs. But this only works if the parents have a certain baseline understanding of the kid’s world.
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