Andy

@dimib116

Everything's going according to plan.

1857
Joined March 2009
184 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    4 Mar 2016

    "I'm like Tupperware right now. I can hardly contain myself." -

    13 likes
  2. Retweeted
    Jun 4

    Remember: gender is uniformly distributed on a 37-dimension fluid spectrum, but all religions are exactly the same thing

    86 replies 2,795 retweets 5,900 likes
  3. Retweeted
    18 Nov 2015

    Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes.

    13 replies 1,841 retweets 2,618 likes
  4. Retweeted
    May 29

    2 replies 27 retweets 131 likes
  5. Retweeted
    May 28

    "Oppose same-sex marriage and you face losing your business or job." 🏳️‍🌈

    34 replies 31 retweets 39 likes
  6. Retweeted
    May 28

    Mosquitoes are God's way of playing "Stop hitting yourself!" with humans.

    97 retweets 245 likes
  7. Retweeted
    May 27

    ME: Can I have the job please INTERVIEWER: I meant, like, questions ABOUT the job ME: Ah, yes. About the job: Can I have it

    9 replies 443 retweets 1,188 likes
  8. Retweeted
    May 26

    Kim Jong-Un Consults With Planned Parenthood To Learn How To Cover Up Atrocities

    24 replies 726 retweets 1,318 likes
  9. Retweeted
    May 23

    I can't figure out what I am more angry about, the terrorists or the politicians who spin narratives about Islam being peaceful.

    11 replies 32 retweets 91 likes
  10. Retweeted
    May 16

    You are either at peace with God or at war with Him. There is no middle ground.

    3 replies 230 retweets 419 likes
  11. Retweeted
    May 17

    Buddha’s dying words were “Strive without ceasing.” Jesus’s were “It is finished.” Give me Jesus. (via )

    2 replies 207 retweets 609 likes
  12. Retweeted
    May 14

    & using Mother's Day as a fundraising opportunity has got to be the most disgusting display ever.

    12 replies 80 retweets 109 likes
  13. May 13

  14. Retweeted
    May 6

    Would you marry a bride if you knew at the altar she would cheat on you every day? Jesus did.

    42 replies 723 retweets 2,182 likes
  15. Retweeted
    May 4

    All left-wing arguments against GOP bills now boil down to: 1. It will kill children OR 2. It will make it too difficult to kill children

    197 replies 3,516 retweets 5,720 likes
  16. Apr 28

    Just saw someone walking a cat. Thought we talked about this.

  17. Retweeted
    Apr 22

    OMG u guys if all the scientists are all out busy marching WHO IS DOING THE SCIENCING

    140 replies 1,015 retweets 2,972 likes
  18. Retweeted
    Apr 22

    "If we found on Mars what we find in the womb, there would be no doubt life was discovered." (Garrett Kell)

    3 replies 144 retweets 211 likes
  19. Apr 2

  20. Retweeted
    Mar 30

    All the games 🎮 confirmed:

    4 replies 46 retweets 94 likes
  21. Retweeted
    Mar 27

    When Jesus ain't showed up to the party yet

    17 replies 840 retweets 2,247 likes

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