Tony Morris

I wasn't referring to any specific event, just human interaction in general. Are you now asking me about scalaz?

Fact: if I tell you that you are responsible for my having been insulted, I am explicitly abusing you.

I agree with that. But consider grown ups who don't whine like that. They might still have an emotional reaction to

what you say. And if you want to get a point across, you might want to avoid their negative emotional reaction.

What if that reaction is itself the primary inhibitor to progress?

I'm no psychologist, but triggering it might still not be the best way to get the point across.

Do I get to decide if I think it is the best way to get the point across, or is that decision left to arbiters?

you get to make the choice. spectators will observe and form their own opinion.