Yoon Ha Lee (이윤하)

Our D&D group (me, husband, daughter, my sister): - me: a Narrativist who turns into a rollplayer in D&D - husband: pure Gamist - daughter: teenager ergo Chaotic Neutral - sister: Lawful Good Someday I'll get them to play a narrative game but until then...

GM: You dropped the guardian drake. Your build is broken. You are living artillery. Me, playing Jedao: I'm your gun? [I'm using crossbows, of all things.]

We're now about to threaten a half-dragon that we're going to turn the evil baby dragon eggs into Dragon Egg Benedict to get him to come out and fight us We are a low WIS party

Also the evil dragon failed his INT check. WTF.

I just rolled 20 to convince the evil dragon down the hall that I got turned around bringing in the antelope feast through the boss's hall. Daughter rolled a 24 to convince evil dragon of same. GM: What the fsck just happened?!

This is only because the dice like me tonight, BTW. I have definitely had "I can only roll 1's" sessions.

Jedao took down a boss from 100% health to under 10% in two shots. (He only has one trick, but it's a good trick.) Daughter: Jedao is broken, please nerf!

I wish to report that Jedao killed two more cultists this turn (one hit each with Sharpshooter). GM: What are you?! Me: Broken. :) GM: Apparently!

Also "Jedao" forgot to record his gold from last session because he's bad at math :sweatdrop: His *player*, who just bought a textbook on Fuchsian differential equations, feels extremely embarrassed about this.

GM: Jedao just walked in & casually killed three people in six seconds. Me: I like this. :) Daughter: I think you're roleplaying a little TOO well...

The cultist rolled a natural 1, so, uh, we're getting information out of him and also I feel really weird about the unproblematic success of our interrogation tactics

The bard rolled highest on both Intimidate and Persuasion so uh guess he's doing both good cop AND bad cop while interrogating these hapless cultists?!

If the cultists' hunters are bagging four antelope a day, kudos to them for feeding their troops but I'm really worried for the local ecology

The MVP of Tyranny of Dragons is the robes we stole off the evil cultists so we can run false flag operations and stuff! Mending those robes is ESSENTIAL!

I can't believe our GM is making us roll for MENDING CLOTHES, are you telling me our fake medieval characters don't know how to SEW?! I'm trying to persuade him that Jedao knows how to knit too. (This is wish-fulfillment. My lace knitting is trash.)

Not about anything recent but I'm baffled when people try to get me to blurb "soft, cuddly" queer books. Like...do you know me? Have you read anything I have written? Do I look like I EVER do SOFT, CUDDLY as opposed to MESSED-UP DEAD DOVE queer fiction with high body counts?!

Daughter, as we begin today's D&D session: "If you didn't want a murder hobo, you shouldn't have had a child. All children are naturally murder hobos." I think she's biased because we raised her on Pathfinder Society.