My dog has been punished for peeing on the carpet 65 times, my wife zero
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Dennis DiClaudio
@dennisdiclaudio
Oddly shaped colony of eukaryotic cells. bsky.app/profile/dennis
Dennis DiClaudio’s posts
Do people realize that we never go back to “normal” after this?
It's impossible for me to imagine where my life would be right now had I not met my friend Brian. We were inseparable creative partners from seventh grade through college. I can't even tell you where my inherent sensibilities end and his begin.
Covid took him today. He was 46.
"Kyle Rittenhouse is my hero for murdering two people on the street.
"Also, those horrible liberals who yelled at Rand Paul are out of control!
Remember there was that month in the '90s when everybody was really into Gregorian chants?
How fucking guilty does a police officer have to be for conservatives to not have a tantrum when he's convicted?
The new GOP slogan is kinda weird. But hey, points for honesty.
Retired politician Hillary Clinton is not allowed to see movies.
So, so many bearded dudes pissed off about Neera Tanden right now.
Kamala Harris sure is looking pretty good in retrospect, isn't she?
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On top of just being pointless, it means that Obi-Wan spent his 20 years hiding out on Tatooine dressed like a fucking Jedi.
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Heartbreaking. Dummy is going out of his way to invite hate and unhappiness into his life. Such sad immaturity.
It’s hard enough dealing with people already in our lives who support Trump. Why add more?
"WE ARE CLOSED. NO ONE WANTS TO WORK ANYMORE." is essentially incel behavior for companies.
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Apologies in advance if I don't respond to any of these mentions. I'm currently broken.
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"Ever wonder why the mere mention of a pedophile disgusts the 'hell' out of the Washington DC establishment, liberals, and LGBT?"
The Twitter-wide dragging of Briahna Joy Gray is a welcome end to this fucked up month.
Gotta get something off my chest: In the first #StarWars film, Obi-Wan Kenobi dressed to blend in on Tatooine so that nobody would suspect he was a Jedi. 1/
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White people would be smart to keep their mouths shut about John Lewis.
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Basing all Jedi fashion on that one everyday-Tatooine costume is absolutely fucking ridiculous.
I’m having a beer at 2:30. Everybody can go fuck themselves.
Why would same-sex couples want to taint their marriages with blessings from the Catholic Church?
I watched Wonder Woman before Twitter told me not to like it, so I fucked up and really enjoyed it.
Susan Sarandon doesn't care about people. She cares about looking like she cares about people.
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Standing by @ProudSocialist and respect his courage in sharing his journey over the past few years. We need more Ryan Knights to stand up and speak truth to power every single day.
"It Is Unconstitutional For Anyone To Ask Ghislaine Maxwell About Barbados Around April-ish Of 2003" by Alan Dershowitz
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What horrors would emerge if we dusted this man's genitals for fingerprints?
Seems like an awful lot of people find the term "concentration camps" more offensive than concentration camps.
No offense anyone, but Tulsi Gabbard is homophobic garbage and she had no place onstage in a Democratic primary in the first place.
Critical Race Theory is just the name Wille Horton goes by in 2021.
Not one feminist has defended the Blood Countess, Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary. It seems women's rights only matter if those women don't bathe in the sanguine fluids of their multitudinous victims in an attempt to maintain a youthful appearance.
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Not one feminist has defended Sarah Sanders. It seems women's rights only matter if those women are liberal.
Kamala Harris is too angry.
Also, she laughs and dances too much.
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I guess that Second Amendment is only sacred until it's not.
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In lieu of my vote, I will offer you a handful of acai berries.
“What’s the worst that can happen?”
—about half the country in November 2016
If this country does get saved, it'll be by the people it spent 400 years trying to grind down.
This is the actual headline of *every* David Brooks column.
Man! Pedophiles sure hate it when you point out that they're pedophiles.
BREAKING: Joe Biden is expected to cheat in tonight's debate by insidiously having spent several decades in Congress and eight years as Vice President.
Starting to think Donald Trump doesn’t like black people.
How dare Jill Biden call herself Doctor when in fact she’s a woman?!
The comments on my Briahna Joy Gray tweet are a good reminder that a lot of people view disagreement with Team Sanders as indistinguishable from hatred for poor people and love of corporate cronyism.
That’s dangerous as fuck.
“Why did the chicken cross the road?” is a terrible first joke for kids to learn. It’s payoff subverts the normal setup and punchline structure. The fact that this is such a exemplary joke in the English language probably explains why children’s joke suck so bad.
You guys are practically a white supremacist hate group at this point. You've really ruined the NRA brand.
Media: "If only we had some candidates out there talking about policy."
Elizabeth Warren: "Here are three metric tons of policy papers with explicit details for implementation."
Media: "I SAID... If only we had some candidates out there talking about policy."
Roe v Wade was doomed the second your stupid ass voted for Stein.
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I don't get how dudes can't just be content with being creepy weirdos over there on the treadmill.
Harry Reid would have said this while in office, leading the Senate Democrats. He'd have done it from the Senate floor on national television. Chuck Schumer should take some notes.
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"I think he is without question the worst president we've ever had… We've had some bad ones, and there's not even a close second to him." —former Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid on Trump trib.al/O60lii5
If you’re using the #BidenRiots hashtag, you might as well draw a dick on your face with magic marker.
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Btw, “this” isn’t just the pandemic.
James Gunn is back on for Guardians of the Galaxy 3! Plus, we're still gonna get his Suicide Squad! deadline.com/2019/03/james-
Is it just me or does this guy announce he’s quitting the party every three weeks?
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When your idea of tolerance ends right at your own personal experience.
Donald Trump being booed at the World Series is one of the greatest things that’s happened to this country in a long while, and I’m not accepting opposing takes.
What's this #TrumpsAWhiteSupremacist hashtag all about? Does it have anything to do Donald Trump being a white supremacist?
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I appreciate your commitment to disproving the correlation between wealth and intelligence.
White People: "I want a haircut! Let me grab my assault rifle and go protest!"
Also White People: "I don't understand why Black people can't just be more polite about expressing their frustration."
Is Seth Abramson doing this for charity? Can somebody get him some water so he doesn’t collapse?
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Replying to @SethAbramson
404/ Reporters could've been in the halls of Congress asking Republicans, "Why is it safe for our Russia policy to have been written by a Kremlin agent (Papadopoulos), a Kremlin lobbyist (Burt), a Putin "friend" (Simes), and a suspected Kremlin spy (Page)?"
They never got asked.
"This huge win for Democrats is a terrible loss."
—every fucking hot take today
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I died of asphyxiation within three minutes of putting this mask on.
Let us never hear tell of their moral authority ever again.
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The POTUS is a sexual predator, a bigot, and a misogynist who also mocks the disabled. Yet 80% of Evangelical Christians voted for him.
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It's been more than 24 hours, and Hillary Clinton is still silent on the events of the Infinity War. This won't play well for Dems in November.
I don’t want to hear a fucking word about your third party vote. As far as I’m concerned, you’re enabling genocide.
If Americans practiced good judgement Trump would be on Dancing with the Stars right now.
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Donald Trump: “We have to go back to work much sooner than people thought and people can go back to work and they can also practice good judgment."
Isn't this ultimately up to Governors?
Letitia James with her pen hovering over a stack of orders waiting to be signed, as she stares patiently at the clock.
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I love the idea of younger people reading this and not knowing whether I'm joking or not.
I'm not.
“Of course, I am a human person. Why do you submit this query?
“I was leaning toward Biden, but now that I see all this violence in the street that the president instigated, I’m thinking he might be the only one to keep us safe.”
Imagine how dumb you’d have to be to have that thought.
Crimea doesn’t pay.
My theory is that Michael Moore discovered that there’s more money in right-wing propaganda.
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You had to go back *40 years* to find a slightly non-embarrassing photo of a Republican president??
The idea that we can't have a standing army not full of klansmen is absolutely offensive to our military.
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Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AR) blames low military recruitment numbers, in part, on "the witch hunt for supposed white nationalists."
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I spend a half-hour crying when I have to say goodbye to my dogs for two weeks. Sorry, but I can't relate to Jon Snow anymore.
She's also opposed to banking monopolies, and yet she cashes her paycheck at a bank. Very curious! twitter.com/sarafischer/st
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You know, there are actual serious journalists who would kill for your cushy job. Why don't you get out of the way and let someone who cares do this?
I sure hope poor Barron doesn't see that video and think it's real. twitter.com/MollyJongFast/
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Oh no! All the Green Party members are going to leave the Democratic Party. #DemExit
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If you're coming here from a retweet, I'm mocking asshole conservatives. I messed up the punctuation.
If a bunch of racists decide that wearing a fried egg on your head is a nod to other racists, then wearing a fried egg on your head becomes a symbol of racism.
This is not complicated.
Anyone here in New York State remember any kind of mass panic resulting from Gov. Cuomo being honest with us about the severity of Covid?
“Yes, I concur.”
—small child dying in a cage twitter.com/mattyglesias/s
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This is an absolutely idiotic take in 2019. It wasn’t a good one before, but it’s aging incredibly badly.
I'd be happy with a ed page full of letters from DACA recipients. twitter.com/jonfavs/status
It is absolutely your right to not vote for the Democratic candidate in November, and it is absolutely my right to point out that you're a dumbass.
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So, you think procedures like this should be optional? Like, we should have a choice?
It almost sounds like you're... Pro-Choice.
Three Houses = Socialist Hero
Freezer Full of Ice Cream = Vile Capitalist Monster
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Somebody please help me understand what he's even trying to convey here.
Is anybody else unreasonably tired for the amount of shit you’re not doing?
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Whatever you do, don't get the wrong Gregorian chant album.
We literally have a president sabotaging the nation.
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"A second official tells CNN their goal is to set so many fires that it will be hard for the Biden administration to put them all out."
cnn.com/2020/11/17/pol
Is this a real public exchange between two white people? Because holy shit if so.
Where do I get the strain of weed that gives you a free trip to Nairobi? That's the shit I want.