last year, salt bae liked metin cicek’s köfte so much he asked for the recipe. luckily cicek opened köfteci metin on a yassified green lanes instead. it’s the most exciting turkish restaurant to open in london this year. i reviewed it for
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hope king charles is well because there’s only one thing in the world rn that could make this funnier
i can’t believe we’re at the stage of british politics where the prime minister is admitting he’s shit and correctly berating the leader of the opposition for not appropriately recognising how shit he is
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Boris Johnson says Marcus Rashford is doing a more “effective job by comparison" to Keir Starmer, in holding the government to account.
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the british press is the most independent and impartial in the world and they’ve held this government to account. now here’s an article from boris johnson’s father, michael gove’s wife, carrie johnson’s ex bf, boris johnson’s sister, and the magazine boris johnson used to run
all the boomers trying to post “back in our day we didn’t have phones or apps, we just went outside and talked to people” but they can’t because facebook is down
if paddington bear was real he would have attacked, mauled and eaten the queen
important to remember that not only was cressida dick responsible for the operation that killed jean charles de menezes but that the cover up was so immediate and amplified by the media that lots of people still believe he jumped the gates. they will always protect their own.
we urgently need to ban restaurant critics from writing about peckham
cannot overemphasise how much of the current political climate is being driven by people imagining situations in toilets
fair play, if i had wasted multiple questions trying to get margaret atwood to denounce trans people only to get rightly told i’m obsessed, i probably wouldn’t have published the responses
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sacked for the crime of loving ass too much - this could have been any one of us. rest easy king 👑
feel like the “there’s no good food in london” experience has nothing to do with london and more to do with how easy it is to scam americans on holiday
italy vs england is so rich with historical context. catholicism vs the reformation. ragu alla bolognese vs spag bol. gino d’acampo vs the guy gino d’acampo burgled
every londoner ever: please can you make the northern line easier to use?
tfl:
the idea that prince william likes to be pegged is by far the most interesting thing i’ve heard about him. genuinely think this news could save the monarchy.
it was quite clear that sally rooney wasn’t refusing to have her books translated into hebrew (which would obviously be bad) but boycotting one specific publisher, and the way people have reported it is really misleading
i know this tweet is obviously incredibly stupid but there’s also this insidious idea from the likes of embery that anyone from cultures where all these ingredients are commonplace can’t possibly be working class
the people of hartlepool only voted for jeremy corbyn in 2017 and 2019 so they could make their jeremy corbyn protest vote more effective in 2021
i don’t think i’ve seen one person actually try to counter judith butler’s (clearly articulated) point which is that anti-trans ideology is at the forefront of fascism worldwide and many gc feminists have allied with/been co-opted by them. those are two incontrovertible facts.
i cannot believe that an idea that i once had while high (a restaurant serving the dumplings of every country in the world simultaneously) has been executed in paris. i’m livid.
made some pasta but forgot to retain some of the cooking water. dinner ruined. threw it all in the bin. family crying.
the european super league
the suzanne moore "my cancellation hell" tour of 2020/2021 dates have been announced
25/11 - Daily Mail
26/11 - Unherd
1/12 - Daily Telegraph
4/12 - New Statesman
12/12 - The Spectator
17/12 - Quilette
30/12 - Question Time
3/1 - Joe Rogan Experience
9/1 - The Guardian (again)
british christmas carols:
1st verse: we wish you a merry christmas
chorus: good will generally to all men
2nd verse: we want figgy pudding
3rd verse: where is the figgy pudding?
4th verse: threat of collective action if figgy pudding isn’t served
I’ve been queuing outside dishoom for more than an hour. When the waiters found out I was a journalist, they started shouting at other people drinking chai in the queue to let me go in front. A deeply humbling moment, but I declined. Their breakfast matters more than mine.
food writers should be banned from describing things as “like crack” unless they’ve smoked crack
waitrose discourse has finished me. there are liberals posting their waitrose bags like it’s a victoria cross.
i wrote about peckham - not the peckham of artisan pasta joints and small plates, but the peckham of ugandan and filipino bbq, kenkey and fish, yams, kebab rolls, tamales on industrial estates and some of the best regional nigerian food in the city
for the last 10 years i've been using my lunch break to eat at every reasonably priced restaurant, cafe and takeaway in a 15 minute radius of oxford circus station that isn't pret. for @vittleslondon, here's 99 of those places to improve your lunch break.
the stations of the cross as dril tweets.
1. jesus is condemned to death
every single day a new detail comes out about that bbc article that shows it violated every editorial code in the book. yet it’s still up there, there’s been no apology and no one has been sacked.
i care about the downing street party to the extent that i think it’s the quickest, most efficient and, most importantly, the funniest way to get a load of dipshit politicians and journalists to simultaneously resign
this is legitimately the first keir starmer policy i have seen
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Labour leader @Keir_Starmer told ITV there is "no alternative" to the death of Geronimo the alpaca.
itv.com/news/westcount
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*the cost of living crisis is putting people in poverty, the climate crisis is killing people, the economy is tanking, inequality is increasing, fascism is on the rise worldwide*
the conservative party:
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It would be good for our politics, and for Boris Johnson’s relations with Tory MPs, if he withdrew the Savile line today. It isn’t the tone that we should want for our national debate
really surreal scanning the tl right now knowing that all of this is going to be used in evidence at your eventual trials
How my love of wild water swimming dislodged the Suez Canal boat, by me in The Guardian
my favourite boris johnson and evgeny lebedev moment was when they pretended to be homeless for the evening standard for about an hour to make some kind of point
every resignation letter so far like “i fully support boris johnson committing crimes, and i think he should have committed more crimes, but i’m resigning because the crimes he did were a bit too obvious for my liking, imo”
bookmarking this tweet for when kuenssberg becomes the tory party’s head of comms in a months time
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The highest compliment I can pay Laura is that after 7 years in the BBC’s top political job, with countless hours on screen and many conversations off-screen, I have no idea what her personal political views are or how she votes in a general election. A true professional. twitter.com/bbclaurak/stat…
the real scandal about the women’s 800m is that caster semenya lost out on a gold medal in 2012 because the athlete ahead of her was doping. and then when she did win, had to listen to the 5th placed athlete claim silver because she was “the second placed white woman”
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ALL medalists in the woman’s Rio Olympics 800 were male, the first female came 4th, not remembered, no medal, no lucrative career. DSD 46XY 5ARD (internal testes) benefits from male levels of Testosterone & male puberty. Time to tell the truth media. Not PC slant twitter.com/guardian_sport…
tofish and chips - completely vegan, with a layer of nori on the bottom for those who miss fried fish skin
thrilled to announce i have joined jamie oliver’s team of cultural appropriation specialists. my job is to shout “jamie noooo” whenever he tries to do anything.
this is genuinely unhinged discourse considering 1) this is about a child and 2) it’s not real, it’s an advert
giles coren - a guy who had to shut down his main account because his wife was fed up of his tweeting, who had an alt account to abuse his haters, who lost his bbc job because he couldn’t stop posting, who is def still on here somewhere - a true poster’s poster. RIP.
michael gove, matt hancock, sarah vine and the queen all about to have hot girl summers
your periodic reminder that ricky gervais only ever had one show truly cancelled, and he cancelled it himself after getting bodied by garry shandling
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Ricky Gervais suggests The Office would not get made now due to cancel culture and political correctness news.sky.com/story/ricky-ge
Readers added context
Rick Gervais explained in a tweet on his verified account that he was not making a commentary on "cancel culture". See here: twitter.com/rickygervais/s…
so long suckers! i rev up my big boat and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely horizontal on the suez canal
still thinking about these deep fried salt and pepper enoki mushrooms i ate last night
“especially as it demonstrated a lack of Labour Socialist values”
no idea why there’s gammon discourse on the tl so late but it’s a good excuse to post the greatest food tweet of all time
i’m at my street’s jubilee party and within five minutes someone told me that all the south london gangs should be locked inside burgess park and allowed to kill each other. the bunting and scotch eggs are nice tho.
an apology
2018 - the chicken connoisseur is the future of food writing!
2023 - the chicken connoisseur has been radicalised by the far right twitter.com/rubytandoh/sta
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i would accept there being no good mexican food in london if it means that every american tourist who comes here is profoundly unhappy
for the last 6 months i’ve been working as a uber eats courier to investigate how delivery is irreversibly changing our concept of the restaurant, our eating habits, and even work itself. i wrote it up in a long read for
liberals thinking they can give the far right publicity to own themselves but actually just literally giving them money is a gigantic metaphor for something
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OMG. I am dying. I am deceased. The greatest £63 I have ever spent.
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imagine inventing a tier system that divides the entire spectrum of conceivable events into three distinct categories, only to make a new tier to describe the unforeseen way you’ve fucked it
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Replying to @Peston
Or maybe the angle of the mirror just means it looks as though the cable is going straight down when in life it’s at an angle. I am just trying to work out if that’s physically (as in physics) possible.
anyone having sex tonight deserves the george cross. eating ass? a statue in westminster square
Replying to
looks like left shitposting twitter user “tightassandronicus52” has more accurate political analysis than ian dunt, yet again
thrilled to announce that LONDON FEEDS ITSELF, my first book as editor and writer, will be released with @OpenCityLondon this september. it is the food book about london i’ve always wanted to see and it has been a dream to put it together.
preorder here: shop.open-city.org.uk/products/londo
this is completely besides the point but i can’t let it go — jabba the hut is famously immune to jedi mind tricks
there's a particular inhumanity and cruelty in slicing and portioning off things as basic as fruit, vegetables and cheese. as if to say, not only do we not trust you enough to give you the money to buy food, but we don't even trust you with the food.
they had to make mexican bake off like that because an actual taco would kill prue leith
neighbours being axed reminds me that this is the only accurate political compass i’ve ever made
it should be bigger news that pretty much the only thing the british home secretary has done is come on twitter to lie about the government’s response, falsely accuse other people of spreading misinformation, and, typically, boast about cancelling some visas
please rise for the national anthem: this photo of some masala fish and chips i just ate
i wrote something for waitrose magazine with the sole aim of securing a lifetime supply of encona for my mum
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americans believing that every city in the world should have mexican restaurants like the us, a country bordering mexico, is the most annoying parochialism, my god twitter.com/JeromeF1nnegan
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this you?
it’s extremely good and normal that a civil servant no one had heard of a few weeks ago is now being hyped up as the last defender girlboss of this country’s entire democracy
imagine going though all that effort into chirpsing a girl during a pandemic and then being dunked on by tim farron
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Just dimmed the lights and brought out my digital piano… and my wife is now on the phone to her solicitor
political journalists spend too much time talking about 'the red wall' and not enough talking about 'redwall', the series of books about woodland creatures living in an abbey written by brian jacques
Replying to
you can kind of see coren trying not to be racist here and then pratfalling into simultaneously being classist, fatphobic and horrendously racist simultaneously
keir starmer when he enters jenny chapman’s office twitter.com/wesstreeting/s
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defending all the offensive tweets about prince philip by simply rebranding them as “gaffes”
just extremely extremely funny that britain sent william and kate to jamaica and in response jamaica declares itself a republic
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lots of people asking me to name them - they’re all googleable but i think the focus on individuals obscures how widespread this type of writing is and how it’s a part of an ecosystem that includes editors, business owners, property developers etc. but the first one is coren lol