Immanuel Content

for once i want to describe my Adam Schiff tattoo idea (he’s ripped, rappelling down a giant statue of Putin, planting dynamite, but the dynamite is the constitution) without getting a fresh crepe hurled at my face

DJ: WHERE MY M****F**KIN’ AMERICANISTS AT?? [thousands cheer] DJ: HOW MANY OF Y’ALL WANT JOBS?? [cheers get louder] DJ: SORRY BUT THE ONE JOB HAS GONE TO A HOLOGRAM OF LOUIS MENAND! [concerned murmurs] DJ: LET’S KEEP THE PARTY GOING!! GIVE IT UP FOR THE DEAN OF THE FACULTY!

YES i originally GOT type 1 because I was ADDICTED to government-funded danishes and bon bons in socialist CANADA but that is beside the POINT!!!

even though I’m Canadian and can’t vote, like many others i feel like this election is a matter of life or death: I’m a type 1 diabetic living in the US and my parents literally mail me insulin from Canada every month to stay alive. m4a is non-negotiable.

this is David’s mom. david is in a coma but if there are any search committees that regret not choosing him for a position or just think he made funny jokes or wore cool shoes or whatever it might help him recover

[me, addicted to inserting self-congratulatory details about my accomplishments into tweets about the profession’s shortcomings] a quick piece of advice y’all,

my three year old, watching the caucus, turned to me and said “Robby Mook deserves to take a long long ride on the Bus of Regrets, papa” (these were his first words)

the #IowaCaucuses can be confusing, but basically you begin your turn by untapping all unused mana on the battlefield and playing any land cards you have in your hand, at which point you can cast spells and summon any creatures, provided that you’re not interrupted during casting

oh you don’t understand how the Iowa caucus works?? everyone entering the building gets either a “carnivore,” “omnivore,” or “herbivore” lanyard, and you have to go around hunting the people below you, after which point

Bichael Fried

should I name my stationary bike Walter Benn Bichaels?

all Australians are Deleuzians i will not be explaining this tweet

academics love to imagine “radical acts of (be)coming together” and then yell at the waitstaff when there’s a draft