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deathbybadger's profile
Oliver Darkshire 🌈
Oliver Darkshire 🌈
Oliver Darkshire  🌈
@deathbybadger

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Oliver Darkshire  🌈

@deathbybadger

d&d/ttrpgs • queer rampage 🏳️‍🌈 • narcoleptic • leather shenanigans • (he/him)

London, England
dmsguild.com/browse.php?aut…
Joined June 2017

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    1. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

      DM: so moses the pharaoh is still refusing to let your people go since you botched that persuasion check, a- MOSES: i cast insect plague DM: are you sure? we haven't fully explored all the opt- MOSES: (leans in very close) I. Cast. Insect Plague. #dnd

      118 replies 3,159 retweets 11,345 likes
      Show this thread
    2. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

      JESUS: is there a fig tree DM: i don't know, sure, why not there's a fig tree JESUS: I take some fruit. DM: (rolls dice) the tree has no fruit on it JESUS: I curse the fig tree DM: look can we just get back to the quest

      10 replies 483 retweets 3,441 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

      CAIN: ok so is abel distracted DM: yes. why. CAIN: can I roll stealth

      8 replies 509 retweets 3,139 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

      JESUS: so let me check, the money lenders are just SAT here in the temple DM: yes JESUS: I call a lightning strike DM: you used all your spell slots raising that random guy from the dead JESUS: fine i attack with my bare hands

      14 replies 671 retweets 3,837 likes
      Show this thread
    5. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

      DM: Elisha the children are mocking your bald head on the way up the mountain ELISHA: ok I cast conjure woodland beings, I want bears to eat them DM: ELISHA NO ELISHA: ELISHA YES [this is a real bible story, check out 2 Kings 2:23-24]

      16 replies 297 retweets 2,806 likes
      Show this thread
    6. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

      DM: ok pharaoh has decreed that all the baby boys are to be slain, and they are closing in, what do you do with your baby moses JOCHEBED: i put it in a basket DM: what JOCHEBED: I PUT THE BABY IN A BASKET AND THROW IT IN THE NILE DM: um roll athletics

      7 replies 305 retweets 2,746 likes
      Show this thread
      Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

      DM: so you've come all this way, what did you actually bring the baby MAGI 1: here's all our gold? MAGI 2: I put some incense aside MAGI 3: (rummages in pack) fuck (rummages) i have some embalming fluid DM: ok roll to persuade the mother these are appropriate gifts for a baby

      7:44 AM - 23 Apr 2020
      • 636 Retweets
      • 3,737 Likes
      • mabel 🐻 Tyler Figg Ben Clemons Chris R. Hatin’ Ass Aaron But his soul goes marching on! Gorilla Librarian No year, no me *yodeling intensifies*
      12 replies 636 retweets 3,737 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

          DM: the lion approaches, it looks angry DANIEL: i'm keeping it. I hug the lion DM: it's a lion, it will eat you why are you doing this DANIEL: I HUG MY NEW BEST FRIEND THE LION

          13 replies 283 retweets 2,735 likes
          Show this thread
        3. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

          DM: so how do you plan to go about building this temple SOLOMON: I cast summon demon DM: this *cannot* be allowed (checks book) DM: DM: ok you have a demon and I guess it helps buil- SOLOMON: I cast it again

          8 replies 290 retweets 2,460 likes
          Show this thread
        4. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

          NOAH: I cast druidcraft to check the weather tomorrow DM: NOAH: why are you making that face

          10 replies 263 retweets 2,486 likes
          Show this thread
        5. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

          I will see you all after my excommunication

          33 replies 26 retweets 2,224 likes
          Show this thread
        6. Oliver Darkshire  🌈‏ @deathbybadger 23 Apr 2020

          EDIT: I have been suitably chastised for not knowing that Jesus was proficient in whips. here is an updated joke. you pedants. JESUS: so those moneylenders you mentioned DM: yes. it was really just a casual reference for flavou- JESUS:pic.twitter.com/bMDWAaXrYq

          21 replies 153 retweets 1,934 likes
          Show this thread
        7. End of conversation
        1. New conversation
        2. Alex Clippinger‏ @Aclippinger 23 Apr 2020
          Replying to @deathbybadger

          Magi 3 is the necromancer and they were lied to about this trip

          1 reply 0 retweets 38 likes
        3. Dynamic Willy Abeelity ❁‏ @TheWillyboo 23 Apr 2020
          Replying to @Aclippinger @deathbybadger

          Casting death ward on an infant for when they grow up and get murdered by the state is a pretty clutch Necromancy move

          1 reply 2 retweets 57 likes
        4. Show replies
        1. Sunflower King Synxiec  🌻 💛 👑‏ @synxiecbeta 23 Apr 2020
          Replying to @deathbybadger

          MAGI 1: "Can I roll a History check instead?"

          0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
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        1. New conversation
        2. Iain Coleman‏ @Iain_Coleman 23 Apr 2020
          Replying to @deathbybadger

          DM: Aaaand you're at 0 HP. JESUS: How many death saving throws do I get? DM: Three. JESUS: That's, like, one a day, right? DM: <sighs> Whatever.

          1 reply 3 retweets 66 likes
        3. simon oliver wright‏ @euphospug 23 Apr 2020
          Replying to @Iain_Coleman @deathbybadger

          Yes because it’ll take three days for the holes to heal up so the dice don’t fall through your palms.

          1 reply 0 retweets 13 likes
        4. Show replies

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