DM: so moses the pharaoh is still refusing to let your people go since you botched that persuasion check, a-
MOSES: i cast insect plague
DM: are you sure? we haven't fully explored all the opt-
MOSES: (leans in very close) I. Cast. Insect Plague.
#dnd
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DM: the lion approaches, it looks angry DANIEL: i'm keeping it. I hug the lion DM: it's a lion, it will eat you why are you doing this DANIEL: I HUG MY NEW BEST FRIEND THE LION
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DM: so how do you plan to go about building this temple SOLOMON: I cast summon demon DM: this *cannot* be allowed (checks book) DM: DM: ok you have a demon and I guess it helps buil- SOLOMON: I cast it again
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NOAH: I cast druidcraft to check the weather tomorrow DM: NOAH: why are you making that face
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EDIT: I have been suitably chastised for not knowing that Jesus was proficient in whips. here is an updated joke. you pedants. JESUS: so those moneylenders you mentioned DM: yes. it was really just a casual reference for flavou- JESUS:pic.twitter.com/bMDWAaXrYq
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End of conversation
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Magi 3 is the necromancer and they were lied to about this trip
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Casting death ward on an infant for when they grow up and get murdered by the state is a pretty clutch Necromancy move
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MAGI 1: "Can I roll a History check instead?"
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DM: Aaaand you're at 0 HP. JESUS: How many death saving throws do I get? DM: Three. JESUS: That's, like, one a day, right? DM: <sighs> Whatever.
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Yes because it’ll take three days for the holes to heal up so the dice don’t fall through your palms.
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• narcoleptic • leather shenanigans • (he/him)