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davejorgenson's profile
Washington Post TikTok Guy 🪑
Washington Post TikTok Guy 🪑
Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑
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@davejorgenson

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Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑Verified account

@davejorgenson

My dad likes my tweets | 📩dave.jorgenson@washpost.com

Washington, D.C.
geni.us/TikTokEveryDay
Joined September 2010

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    Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

    For an entire year, an 11-year-old Harry Potter took classes from a guy with a face on the back of his head, while his best friend had a full-grown adult man in his pocket.

    11:52 AM - 1 Dec 2019
    • 536 Retweets
    • 6,453 Likes
    • msyoungmusic Julia Linda Morris Gfluff Jenna Roma Venkateswaran Wit Beyond Measure ⚡️ genna Chris Marra
    55 replies 536 retweets 6,453 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        Ron just accepted a grown dude lived with his family as a pet rat and quickly focused all of his emotions on a school dance

        6 replies 17 retweets 707 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        11-year-old Harry: Hagrid definitely still uses his wand. Everyone else: I guess it’s just a quirky pink umbrella!!!

        2 replies 10 retweets 552 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        So no one else in Gryffindor, throughout an entire school year, was like, “Wait, Hermione has a different class with you at the same time she’s in my class.......?”

        5 replies 24 retweets 770 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        Harry and Ginny’s kids definitely aren’t allowed to have diaries

        1 reply 25 retweets 601 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        Imagine hiding under Hogwarts for 1000 years and the first human you see is Moaning Myrtle

        3 replies 16 retweets 503 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        (Sorry, Myrtle)

        4 replies 2 retweets 306 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        Dean Thomas went home to all his Muggle friends who love soccer and was like, "I'm a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team."

        4 replies 8 retweets 416 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        It's 2019 and very likely that Professor Binns still doesn't know he's dead.

        2 replies 13 retweets 372 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        Neville just gave up on Trevor, huh

        4 replies 12 retweets 393 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 1 Dec 2019

        The backstory for the Hufflepuff ghost is that he is overweight

        1 reply 9 retweets 330 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 2 Dec 2019

        If Diagon Alley has an eye doctor, they are definitely a Squib.

        2 replies 3 retweets 222 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 2 Dec 2019

        Sorry, no. Only the best Mandrake potion for our petrified children. They will have to wait until Professor Sprout's is ready.

        3 replies 5 retweets 313 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 2 Dec 2019

        Voldemort was a functioning hoarder.

        3 replies 14 retweets 304 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 2 Dec 2019

        “I could throw this diary away or I could kill someone and put 1/7th of my soul inside it.” - Voldemort, a hoarder

        1 reply 84 retweets 664 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 2 Dec 2019

        Colin Creevey was petrified his first year of Hogwarts, then killed by a Death Eater in his seventh year, but Harry’s only reaction is “ugh no pictures.”

        4 replies 10 retweets 350 likes
        Show this thread
      17. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 2 Dec 2019

        Is Marietta Edgecomb’s face back to normal yet?

        6 replies 2 retweets 182 likes
        Show this thread
      18. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 2 Dec 2019

        If the Weasley family all stood next to each other on Christmas, it would say AMBCPFGRG

        4 replies 5 retweets 205 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 2 Dec 2019

        If Charlie, Ron, Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasley and Percy stood next to each other on Christmas, they would say CRAMP.

        2 replies 5 retweets 232 likes
        Show this thread
      20. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 3 Dec 2019

        Buckbeak? No, this identical creature owned by the same person who owned Buckbeak two years ago is named Witherwings.

        4 replies 7 retweets 266 likes
        Show this thread
      21. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 3 Dec 2019

        No one else in Hogwarts had red hair.

        4 replies 3 retweets 190 likes
        Show this thread
      22. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 5 Dec 2019

        Fred and George had a 2000 Wizard Sports Almanac and no one even cares

        2 replies 1 retweet 134 likes
        Show this thread
      23. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 5 Dec 2019

        Albus: I know literally everything. Aberforth: People don’t talk about goats enough.

        1 reply 3 retweets 181 likes
        Show this thread
      24. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 6 Dec 2019

        “The four of us all happen to have alliterative names, perhaps we should start a wizarding school!” “Yes fine but I also want my house’s mascot to continue the alliteration.”

        2 replies 2 retweets 182 likes
        Show this thread
      25. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 6 Dec 2019

        “Oh, perfect - Godric, your house mascot will be a griffin.” “I want it to be a lion!” “But-“ “WE ARE LIONS!!”

        3 replies 5 retweets 161 likes
        Show this thread
      26. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 6 Dec 2019

        “I’ll take the brave!” “I value the cleverest!” “I want the most ambitious.” “Who’s hungry??”

        4 replies 8 retweets 219 likes
        Show this thread
      27. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 6 Dec 2019

        Muggles have Find My iPhone. For wizards, a presumed dead Death Eater has to shoot a widely feared signal into the sky with your wand.

        1 reply 0 retweets 118 likes
        Show this thread
      28. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 6 Dec 2019

        Ollivander would be a very inefficient Genius Bar employee

        2 replies 2 retweets 159 likes
        Show this thread
      29. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 8 Dec 2019

        It’s the new Nimbus Two Thousand! The Nimbus Two Thousand and One! The Firebolt is here! Ok, enough brooms.

        3 replies 5 retweets 188 likes
        Show this thread
      30. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 8 Dec 2019

        Does the Firebolt get a software upgrade?

        2 replies 1 retweet 108 likes
        Show this thread
      31. Washington Post TikTok Guy  🪑‏Verified account @davejorgenson 9 Dec 2019

        It’s all fun and games until a young wizard practicing Apparition splinches a vital organ in two pieces

        1 reply 4 retweets 128 likes
        Show this thread
      32. Show replies

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