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cyantist's profile
Recall 欺善暴丁
Recall 欺善暴丁
Recall 欺善暴丁
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@cyantist

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Recall 欺善暴丁Verified account

@cyantist

Democratic Conservative and capitalist libertine - “oddly exciting” “tornado of randomness”

San Francisco
uglyduckling.substack.com
Joined February 2008

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    Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

    In 2018, I won the lottery.

    7:58 PM - 1 Jan 2019 from Missouri, USA
    • 74 Retweets
    • 716 Likes
    • Jeff J. Lin Weights N Glory Niko Bonatsos Shaan Puri @imwithjim Kalin Harvey Raymond Russell Joe Chahine MyLoc
    55 replies 74 retweets 716 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        It wasn’t the kind you want to win...

        1 reply 0 retweets 34 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        Sometime in mid-September, I had an ordinary day. A board meeting, followed by a board dinner. The only thing that stands out as unusual, was that I asked for tea and received a pot of coffee instead.

        1 reply 0 retweets 26 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        If you know me, you know I don’t send things back to the kitchen. I don’t complain. I don’t find any joy feeling upset, but rather peace in keeping quiet and moving past it. So I choose peace every time.

        1 reply 2 retweets 46 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I worried that I’d stay awake and that I wouldn’t be able to sleep...

        1 reply 0 retweets 20 likes
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      6. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        That night when I tried to sleep, sure enough, I couldn’t. My head started hurting and I started sweating. I cursed the coffee. A migraine. Great.

        1 reply 0 retweets 20 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I had fits of sleep, the weirdest dreams and early in the morning I awoke to what I can only describe as a full blown panic attack. I never experienced one before. I hope I never do again.

        1 reply 0 retweets 26 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I’ve never sweat so much. Not even in Phoenix, Arizona. I knew something was very, very wrong. This wasn’t like any migraine I ever had before. Damn coffee.

        1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I called my doctor and she asked me to come in. They put me on an IV. Gave me pain meds. Nothing really felt better. Just shades of better and then worse.

        1 reply 1 retweet 20 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        They did blood tests and everything came back normal. I was having monthly hormonal migraines and this fit the pattern. However, I was afraid to be left alone, so I asked if I could go to the hospital.

        1 reply 0 retweets 23 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        At the hospital, I mainlined some Benadryl, compazine and Tylenol - they affectionately called a cocktail for migraines. It knocked me out and they released me after I woke up.

        1 reply 1 retweet 20 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I felt ok for a few hours and then I wasn’t able to eat anything. My head just hurt, sounds hurt, light hurt.. it all hurt. This went on for days. 8 days. No food, just ensure drinks if I could handle them and water.

        2 replies 0 retweets 20 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I started asking Dr. Google about migraines and apparently you can get them for months at a time. They can even be untreatable!

        2 replies 0 retweets 26 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        Convinced I had a migraine and I just needed to hunker down, I hid in a room, only emerging by crawling to a shower or to get water. I started questioning everything in my life. Was I stressed? Where was this coming from?!

        2 replies 1 retweet 25 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        One afternoon, on September 24th, I started having seizures. The right hand side of my body would become momentarily paralyzed. If I stood, sometimes gravity would take me.

        1 reply 0 retweets 27 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        You don’t ever want to know what it feels like to have gravity take you. It isn’t the same as falling and having your muscles somewhat engaged. No, you just fall. You can’t resist it. You are just a mind in a meat sack.

        1 reply 0 retweets 40 likes
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      17. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I called my doctor and she told me to head to UCSF because they have a world class neurological team. The only problem was I had to get through triage somehow in order to see someone.

        2 replies 0 retweets 27 likes
        Show this thread
      18. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I was instructed to tell them it was “the worst headache of my life” and I’d be seen faster. I did this and four hours later, I was slumped over in a chair, still waiting.

        1 reply 0 retweets 23 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        Then a woman, with an African accent came and put her hand on me and said, “I’m going to put down you are having left side weakness and you need a CT scan. You don’t look good.” I thanked her and she squeezed my hand and said, “We are all human.”

        1 reply 0 retweets 68 likes
        Show this thread
      20. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        Human. She was my angel.

        2 replies 0 retweets 69 likes
        Show this thread
      21. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        Suddenly things kicked into gear and I was getting a CT scan and I had a bed to lay in the ER. I hid under my sweater to shield myself from the lights while listening to the moans around me, a man fantasizing about Judge Judy and beeps.

        1 reply 0 retweets 25 likes
        Show this thread
      22. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        The results came. My CT scan was abnormal. They asked if this ever happened before.... No.... So, for good measure they did another one with contrast.

        1 reply 0 retweets 26 likes
        Show this thread
      23. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        A doctor came in and she held my leg as she delivered the bad news. I had sent my husband home to sleep, so I was alone. I’m so thankful she held my leg. That small gesture meant the world to me and kept me strong and together enough to listen.

        1 reply 0 retweets 49 likes
        Show this thread
      24. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        They told me I had blood clots in my brain. A stroke of sorts called DVST or CVST. It was a miracle they found it in time or at all, because the condition is also rare.

        5 replies 0 retweets 51 likes
        Show this thread
      25. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        They put me on heparin right away and told me I would be in the hospital for at least a week, if not more. On September 25th, I was admitted.

        1 reply 0 retweets 31 likes
        Show this thread
      26. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        There was a lot of hushed talking outside of my door. I could hear some of it. When they saw me, they downplayed the extent of the clotting but in the hallways I heard them discuss it and how lucky I was.

        2 replies 0 retweets 28 likes
        Show this thread
      27. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I started seeing double vision and lost my ability to walk. My hearing was reduced to this horrifying whooshing noise.

        1 reply 0 retweets 30 likes
        Show this thread
      28. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I did everything I could to keep a positive attitude, including making fun of my stroke. Pretending I forgot things and didn’t know how to do them anymore just to make myself laugh.

        1 reply 0 retweets 36 likes
        Show this thread
      29. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        I was eventually released with a pirate patch for my eye and a walker. Maybe some people would have been ashamed of these things, but I used them with pride. Btw, there aren’t any beautiful walkers out there. They are all ugly, so with the help from friends we blinged mine out.

        2 replies 0 retweets 73 likes
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      30. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        My bed was moved to the living room so I didn’t have to climb any stairs and people could look after me. I slept for weeks. The days blurred into one another.

        1 reply 0 retweets 29 likes
        Show this thread
      31. Recall 欺善暴丁‏Verified account @cyantist 1 Jan 2019

        However, when I was awake... I marveled at the simplest things in life. Like when I was released from the hospital and took my first few breaths of fresh air. If I had died without ever knowing that... to the avocado toast or the sunlight on my face.

        3 replies 0 retweets 97 likes
        Show this thread
      32. Show replies

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