Christopher S Oakley

@csoakley

Houston, Texas
Joined April 2008
110 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

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  1. Retweeted
    Jun 8

    As I see it, the Cavaliers have only one remaining chance: sign Kenny Rogers immediately.

    47 replies 316 retweets 569 likes
  2. Retweeted
    Jun 7

    I bomb thee, sporty peasants.

    7 replies 111 retweets 543 likes
  3. Retweeted
    May 15

    I sense a 3-way power struggle in DC between the Bombastic Morons, the Conniving Shitweasels, and the Incompetent Deadwood

    79 replies 684 retweets 1,414 likes
  4. May 15

    Hey I just tried the new "Not Hotdog" app at Shepherd store. 100% accurate.

    1 retweet 3 likes
  5. Retweeted
    May 13

    the only thing stopping you from beginning a drawing practice is fear. fear that you'll discover the artist within

    105 replies 9,585 retweets 24,008 likes
  6. Retweeted
    May 13

    After retirement, Michael Jordan admitted there was only one man he couldn't stop on a basketball court: Kenny Rogers.

    48 replies 374 retweets 747 likes
  7. Retweeted
    May 12

    Turns out my Gerrymandered district has lots of company. House district or swirl cake?

    1 reply 1 retweet
  8. Retweeted
    May 5

    You can't play guitar with Crawfish hands.

    5 replies 3 retweets 18 likes
  9. Retweeted
    Apr 29

    LEFT: cafeteria—no Dr Pepper 🚫 RIGHT: cafeteria—Dr Pepper ✅ Mr. Chief Justice, tear down this wall!

    50 replies 122 retweets 578 likes
  10. Retweeted
    Apr 26

    Y'all stand up and pee right there on the concrete? Well, okay. They have toilets there, you know.

    This is how we do it down in Puerto Rico
    36 replies 237 retweets 1,024 likes
  11. Retweeted
    Apr 26

    He's just Ken's "buddy" ... thanks for clearing that up, Mattel.

    39 replies 200 retweets 507 likes
  12. Retweeted
    Apr 14

    It's like my Sunday School teacher used to say, "Everyday could be Good Friday if y'all would stop acting like cunts." God I miss her...

    14 replies 129 retweets 610 likes
  13. Retweeted
    Apr 14

    Capybara's are truly the world's chillest animal

    73 replies 2,840 retweets 5,559 likes
  14. Retweeted
    24 Sep 2015

    CHASE: Hi we are calling to check for fraud you spent $40 at 7/11 ME: Yea CHASE: Then you went to Taco Bell at 3am ME: Are these questions

    1 reply 290 retweets 974 likes
  15. Retweeted
    Apr 10

    "They're all Exit Row seats"

    12 retweets 36 likes
  16. Retweeted
    Apr 10

    27 replies 815 retweets 2,105 likes
  17. Retweeted
    Apr 7

    SCIENCE—PLEASE HELP CHICKENS FLY AWAY FROM US

    4 replies 403 retweets 948 likes
  18. Retweeted
    Apr 4

    This game was so realistic it almost immediately turned your child into an angry, joyless asshole.

    17 replies 59 retweets 217 likes
  19. Retweeted
    Apr 2

    Please say human chessboard.

    Barron Trump already has big plans for when he moves into the White House
    28 replies 68 retweets 321 likes
  20. Retweeted
    Mar 30

    A portion of I-85 in Atlanta just collapsed — video shows the scene up close, drivers shouting from the heat.

    106 replies 3,146 retweets 3,277 likes

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