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oh the obligation is legit to "check your privilege." Which means, "when I check in and she says yeah I'm cool but she still looks uncomfortable, maybe check in again. Maybe slow down what we're doing---and actually slow down to see if her comfort level changes."
it means thinking "what can I do to signal to this other human that they can be honest with me?" It means like... asking her what she wants to do? And yes yes yes all partners should do this but men have a SPECIAL responsibility to do all that bc power dynamics.
