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So then when you're mad at them... are you mad at them for taking a step to help me? Is this thing that made my life suck so much less "bullshit" to you?
And that's an offputting enough thought, but the real kicker is: is this thing that made my life suck so much less actually bullshit? Are all the little ways life is easier as a bisexual assimilated Negro among these white people vs those white people (and a lot of those blk ppl)
are all of those things really bullshit relative to the Real Issues of material deprivation? Are we really focusing on everything but the main thing? Those questions are only more painful because they might actually be true.
I dunno if there are people who are shitty just because they wanna be shitty. <aybe there are. But I know for me, generally where there's a gap between what I think is right and what I actually believe, it's because there's a real psychological difficult there.
like, it's difficult---for anyone---to believe that something important to them personally is unimportant in the Grand Scheme of Things, should even be dismissed or forgotten in favor of more important things.
To put it another way: it's a harrowing thought to realize that not just your surplus, but what you needed, was obtained through/by/from/within/because of privilege. But then I always claim that's as true of poor straight white folks as of rich black queer me, so.
Anyway that's the claim I feel is being made on me, and why I am resistant to a lot of far radical things. I made my peace with it when it came to far radical black folks because I was recalled to how the suffering of the hood is mine, despite being a half-step removed.
I guess sooner or later I will make my peace with it as regards the socialists or especially the Real Commies. Although at present I'm not sure how. And it might be easier to just become a Real Christian than a Real Commie (there's no way that's true, look at Jesus.)
oh but also I'm doing a lot of stamping my feet and saying if we have room for the so-called white working class, we sure as hell have room for my bougie black folks and white women with decent feminism.
(obviously those who stan for the white working class and do not assiduously make room for or even assign priority to working class people of color are absolute garbaggio as far as I'm concerned.)
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