hey cis people! if you, for whatever reason, know a trans person’s birth name, never EVER use it without their permission. that means don’t joke about it, don’t just say it when someone asks, don’t use it as an insult if you disagree with them. just don’t.
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Replying to @artbyashton
What about when referring to past actions when they still used the dead name? What about when talking to people who knew the person by the dead name (and including the correct name & pronouns)? Asking to learn
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Replying to @TwitVisionary @artbyashton
You’d still use their new name unless told you can use their birth name. If they are out to the other people, you’d call them by their correct name and pronouns, not their birth ones. Basically, only ever call them by their birth name if they tell you to
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Replying to @hi_itsjason @artbyashton
How do you explain the transition to a third party to tell the story? Calling your childhood classmate Cheryl when they were John in school requires some explanation
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Not an explanation that misgenders or deadnames it doesn’t. I’ve had no problem talking about my memories with my cousin without misgendering him or using his birth name and explained to my husband that he’d transitioned without doing either also. It’s not hard.
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So how do you describe the person to an old common friend who doesn't know about the change? Literally, what words do you use? I am trying to understand how to do it respectfully, is a physical description of the person in the past appropriate?
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Replying to @TwitVisionary @Macgyver_It and
Why do you need to explain it? If they have not told that person, it is not your place to do so. Along with respecting their names and pronouns, respecting trans people means not outing them to others. Do not tell others of your friend's social transition or medical history.
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Replying to @QueeringCaitlin @Macgyver_It and
Thank you for answering my hypothetical Q. It does seem strange that I give up the ability to discuss my memory with a friend when a person in that memory transitions. Other physical changes often get mentioned & discussed by friends without the changers explicit permission.
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So the answer to the question is simply don’t tell the story? If I’m talking to a childhood friend about John who is now Cheryl, and this childhood friend doesn’t know, the question is do I call them John or Cheryl? Am I supposed to just be like “Let’s talk about something else”?
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