Adrienne AirhartOvjeren akaunt

@craydrienne

I stand up to do comedy and I sit down to write. I lie down to contemplate death. Cannabis is my day job. 🦅

Los Angeles, CA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2009.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    Ohhhhh ok so if you dance on a pole in front of sweaty, drunk dads in a nightclub it’s sex work but when you do it in front of sweaty, drunk dads at the Super Bowl it’s art

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Anyone complaining that the halftime show was vulgar or inappropriate only has sex with the lights off, and constantly asks "Are you ok?"

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  4. If a guy closes my water bottle lid too tightly I will ask him to leave.

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  5. I don’t want a relationship I just wanna do dinners, watch movies, fuck exclusively, and complain about my job to you. But like, super casually. Super chill.

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  6. I tried to Venmo request my dad for therapy but I couldn’t find him ☹️

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  7. My episode of the Basic Witches podcast is called PUSSY IS GOD and it was fun and intense. I really just legit bare my soul these days.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    If you like men and woman and are from Southern Europe are you Bitalian? Please let me die

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  9. In your 30s, what’s an acceptable thing to call the person you sleep/spend time with?

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  10. I started calling my lover “daddy” because I feel like he’s gonna bail soon.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    I yelled at a car “Oh so you’re just getting in front of me to to slow me down, huh” and honestly that’s the best break up line I’ve never said.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    I’ve got some NEWS for you people about WHY your salads are dull and flavorless. Are you ready for some NEWS???

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    all local news sounds like this to me

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  14. It’s not real until he comments publicly on your Instagram posts. Then it’s not official until Facebook says it’s so. Then it’s not over until one of you is bleeding from an evisceration. Then

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Just sent the following text to my ex who is the reason I got into standup.

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  16. I went to the Comedy Store feeling gross and said I look like Heather Locklear. I do not! But can I start being a cunt to everyone yet?

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  17. Happy birthday to a legend, a mensch, a true comic, and a gem of a human 🎂 if you leave Twitter I’ll cut my hair off and no one wants that

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  18. My roommate sat on my bed and said, “It feels like you’ve lived here longer than 3 months. I love you. Is this a cum stain? Good for you.” And then walked away. I’ve leveled up in 2020 exponentially!!!

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    23. sij

    [guy about to invent country music] *looking at his truck* i want to fuck this so bad

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  21. I like my men like I like my dogs: obedient, obsessed with me, and always watching me change naked with their head cocked.

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