Matt Simon

@crawlycreepy

writer, athlete, fiasco ● scorpion and spider hobbyist ● arachnid presenter, ● GenX ● just another animal in the wild

Vrijeme pridruživanja: srpanj 2017.
100 fotografija ili videozapisa Fotografije i videozapisi

Tweetovi

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    14. lis 2019.

    One of these creatures is a monster species from hell; the other is an Arizona giant hairy scorpion (Hadrurus arizonensis). 🎃🦂

    5 replies 8 proslijeđenih tweetova 54 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  2. prije 9 sati

    "I don't feel my age.... The only thing that reminds me is watching the world go down the tubes.... I've never thought about legacy. You don't attend your own funeral. It doesn't fucking matter, does it? I just try to enjoy what I'm doing as I'm doing it."

    2 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  3. prije 13 sati

    Totally punk rock. Fuck authority and the fascist tools who worship it.

    Nancy Pelosi just ripped up her copy of Trump's speech.
    2 proslijeđena tweeta 3 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  4. prije 14 sati

    A watched pot never boils, but unwatched pots need to calm the fuck down

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 6 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  5. prije 16 sati

    DEAR POLAR BEARS: Eat Americans. They're fat, slow-moving, and nutritious. Thank you for attending my address.

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 3 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  6. prije 24 sata

    Currently trapped in a "forgot what I wanted" loop between rooms

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 4 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  7. 4. velj

    I live by the words of my wise Norwegian friend, who once said "I never gets everything completely right"

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 3 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  8. 4. velj

    "Megabyte" sounds like a pretty sick death-metal band

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 3 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  9. 4. velj

    BREAKING: FBI ramps up surveillance of paranoid people

    3 proslijeđena tweeta 5 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  10. 4. velj

    I, for one, think we should bring back Roman numerals

    1 reply 2 proslijeđena tweeta 4 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  11. 3. velj

    I maintain a database of geotagged Twitter data and mass sentiment analyses of tweet content to calculate optimal timing and content of tweets across world time zones to leverage algorithm maximization and enhance social media visibility. Haha just kidding, I can barely function

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 3 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  12. 3. velj

    I'm sorry I told your school group a horrifying story about how the very first "sloppy joe" was actually made from a guy named Joe

    1 proslijeđeni tweet 2 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  13. 3. velj

    EMBARRASSMENT OF ROACHES: Cockroaches are not as ancient as once thought. A phylogenomic investigation puts their origin at 200–250 million years ago (Triassic/Jurassic) and most subgroup radiation at 150–100mya (Cretaceous). And yes, termites are roaches.

    28 proslijeđenih tweetova 68 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  14. 3. velj

    PRO TIP: People listen to you more if you have a live scorpion in one hand. Elise, our Arizona giant hairy scorp (Hadrurus arizonensis), at

    1 reply 2 proslijeđena tweeta 10 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  15. 3. velj

    Hanna Banana, our curlyhair tarantula at , workin' it for the camera today. Tliltocatl albopilosum (formerly Brachypelma albopilosum)

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 15 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  16. 1. velj

    don't worry there's hope for u humans, haha just kidding ur fucked

    1 reply 5 proslijeđenih tweetova 22 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  17. 1. velj

    The human world drives me crazy but to be fair that IS a very short drive

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 9 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  18. 31. sij

    Don't take this the wrong way, but if you post a photo taken inside your home I will enlarge and scan it for clues like Deckard in Blade Runner

    1 reply 2 proslijeđena tweeta 5 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  19. 30. sij

    BREAKING: Double Entendre Society reports huge growth in members

    1 reply 3 proslijeđena tweeta 9 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  20. 27. sij

    Current mood: should I worry about this, worry about that, obsess about those other things, or just stagger into the woods and never be seen again

    2 proslijeđena tweeta 3 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  21. 26. sij

    The fastest land mammals are parents at the museum when their children suddenly reach out and try to grab a live scorpion

    3 proslijeđena tweeta 11 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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