I find it utterly painful to live without creating. It's the greatest struggle I have. And yet, I find myself completely unable. I think I place to much pressure on myself, and therefore fear trying anything lest it isn't a masterpiece.
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I know I can help fix this issue with a routine slot of time where I can slowly chip away at something. Not for any grand purpose. Just to see progress. But even this I have failed at. I now think it might be linked to my immense distractibility, my choice paralysis, and ...
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most importantly, my lack of community. Perhaps if I had truly close relationships with others that had similar drives and interests, that would lead to some kind of accountability and greater support when I slip. I don't know. Everything I try seems to fail.
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</lamenting tweet>
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Replying to @cosimia_
you're very future-oriented? very optimistic, very hopeful? perhaps off the charts so?
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Replying to @antonjw
This often leads to the present slipping through my fingers! Maybe I just need to find a hobby that compliments these parts of me. But I think that restriction will make it more difficult for me to choose lol
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Replying to @cosimia_
questions / insights were 'cos i recognise those traits. i was crazy optimistic as a teenager, twenty-something. but terrified / mistrustful of the past. still to this day i have a difficult relationship with the past. but that set up a lot anxiety about idealised futures.
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past: familiarity, comfort (for most, but not for me) future: optimism, anxiety too future oriented = heady mix of optimism, ability to dream up ideas, but anxiety about being able to achieve them; many not realistic, out of reach.
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it's far too easy to say, but the real change is in the right now. so it's breaking things down in order to take small steps towards those bigger things; and being happy enough that one day, they might happen. or they might not. i didn't get this until now though. it's intuited.
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This is very helpful framing. Totally relate. Thank you and pls keep me updated with your projects! They seem very exciting 
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Replying to @cosimia_
you'll get to see. something i'm hopeful for wrt the collabspace btw (our space, not mine... oops), is that we will all benefit from an outside perspective that will help to identify what those small, next steps are. that's the stuff that seems to get real foggy by oneself.
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