I find it utterly painful to live without creating. It's the greatest struggle I have. And yet, I find myself completely unable. I think I place to much pressure on myself, and therefore fear trying anything lest it isn't a masterpiece.
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questions / insights were 'cos i recognise those traits. i was crazy optimistic as a teenager, twenty-something. but terrified / mistrustful of the past. still to this day i have a difficult relationship with the past. but that set up a lot anxiety about idealised futures.
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past: familiarity, comfort (for most, but not for me) future: optimism, anxiety too future oriented = heady mix of optimism, ability to dream up ideas, but anxiety about being able to achieve them; many not realistic, out of reach.
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