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Is there a thing out there that'll let me input some preferences and it'll spit out an interesting paper in my inbox every day?

You can subscribe to http://fs.blog  by @farnamstreet or http://brainpickings.org  by @brainpicker . You won't be disappointed I can assure you.

Brain pickings is the light of my life Just subbed to that other one Guess I'm looking for academic papers specifically atm. Or someone who summarises them. I wonder how simple it'd be to make a tool that does that for me

Oh please if you find do share. What are your favourite reads?

I seriously don't read at all haha :') this is why I want something that'll make it easier for me to find things to read

Oh that's interesting, I find your thoughts quite authentic/true to yourself and original... something that in my experience I've observed amongst avid readers of good books. Nonetheless if you find reading quite a chore, may I recommend audiobooks. That's been my salvation.