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coponder's profile
robin
robin
robin
@coponder

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robin

@coponder

*hands you a tangled ball of curiosity*

Bay Area, CA
Joined March 2016

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    1. Myk's the friend of the world as we know it‏ @mykola 14 Oct 2019
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      There are people in my life that I see semi-regularly and who I value a lot. They are supportive and understanding towards me in ways that most people aren't, and they've helped me to grow so much. But I have a problem in my friendship with them, and it's really hard.

      4 replies 1 retweet 23 likes
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    2. Myk's the friend of the world as we know it‏ @mykola 14 Oct 2019
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      I'm so confused. They know I'm autistic, were in fact supportive and instrumental in helping me to discover and accept that about myself. And yet despite all of their wisdom and understanding they honestly believe something that baffles me.

      1 reply 0 retweets 12 likes
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    3. Myk's the friend of the world as we know it‏ @mykola 14 Oct 2019
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      See, they insist that if I speak to them with a tone they interpret as angry, or if I use words that have connotations I don't intend to convey, that I'm making the choice not to value them and their well-being. "Speaking kindly is non-negotiable."

      1 reply 0 retweets 17 likes
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    4. Myk's the friend of the world as we know it‏ @mykola 14 Oct 2019
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      The thing is, "speaking kindly" is not just a simple switch you flick. Everyone interprets everything differently. Sure, yes, things like gentle tones and generous words are important! But there's so much more! Shared history, personal preferences, triggers, interests etc!

      1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
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    5. Myk's the friend of the world as we know it‏ @mykola 14 Oct 2019
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      And in moments when I am at my most vulnerable, when I'm past my limits, when I'm using every ounce of energy I have not to just scream incoherently at the gods, it's very difficult to "speak kindly" to someone. That doesn't mean I don't value and respect them, though!

      1 reply 0 retweets 23 likes
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    6. Myk's the friend of the world as we know it‏ @mykola 14 Oct 2019
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      But when I try to explain this they tell me I'm making excuses, or failing to take responsibility for my actions. I wanna be clear, "my actions" in this case might be something like having an "angry" facial expression, or using a frustrated tone. Not even like yelling.

      4 replies 0 retweets 23 likes
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      robin‏ @coponder 14 Oct 2019
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      Replying to @mykola

      This is very relatable. :( It always turns the conversation to being about the other person's feelings, and I'm like - why is this suddenly about you? Why can't we hold space for my anger?

      1:00 PM - 14 Oct 2019
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      • Hannah Stone Myk's the friend of the world as we know it
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        1. robin‏ @coponder 14 Oct 2019
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          Replying to @coponder @mykola

          I've had success presenting my anger/frustration as sadness - it's not too hard through text. I once told an ex-partner that I did this process for another friend (as it was always effective), and partner immediately demanded I do the same process for her. But it's exhausting!

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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