I suspect maybe my difficulty 'getting' nonbinary stuff is due to the strong lack of experience in my own life. I grew up in a world where being a woman was very shameful/got you treated worse, but that didn't mess with my gender identity. (cont)
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I've had a really masculine brain - e.g. my mom dressed me until I was 16 because I didn't care about fashion, I'm particularly analytical, and also aspergery. I've been extremely aware my mind isn't very feminine, but despite this I didn't get weird gender identity feels. (cont)
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I also don't mind when I'm misgendered. I sometimes pretend to be male online, I enjoy occasionally dressing in drag. I've played a very male role in all my same-sex relationships. Throughout all this, I never felt like I was nonbinary.
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Sometimes people assume wrong, negative things about me because I present as female. Sometimes (often?) I am the subject of sexual attention where I feel objectified by men who I want to take me seriously. Sometimes it would be *really* convenient not to be a fuck object. (cont)
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All the above are reasons I've heard nonbinary afab people cite for why they're nonbinary, but it doesn't vibe with me. I don't understand what it means to 'feel like a gender' or 'not a gender.' I don't understand what the above reasons have to do with feeling like a woman.
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Nonbinary seems to be morphing into a third gender category with prescribed social scripts. I was interested in it for the spontaneity around interactions, the desire to negotiate roles between me and others... it's turned into not at all what I wanted. :(
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