The reality of a family member being dead really hits home around the holidays. I was numb to my brother's death the first month and a half but it's really sinking in now. Remembering how hard he tried to save himself and the episode before his suicide.
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He got drunk and my dad had to restrain him. He kept screaming that he couldn't take it anymore and we had to call the cops it was so bad. I don't understand why psychiatrists kept releasing him. He wore a great mask tbh, I guess that's how.
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But it's just terrifying seeing someone get to that depth of pain. Seeing someone actually want to die. He was overall a very caring person too. But from a young age wounds started collecting on him from others that eventually took a fatal toll.
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