"You should smile more," he said.
"You should talk less," she replied.
And then she ate him, and everyone clapped.
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Clementine Ford 
@clementine_ford
Foul mouthed. Best-selling author of Fight Like A Girl (2016) and Boys Will Be Boys (2018). BUY THEM (please)
patreon.com/clementineford
Melbourne TownJoined June 2009
Clementine Ford 🧟♀️’s posts
"I see a pattern emerging in rape culture that suggests women have a past, while men have a potential." #BrockTurner
Women don't need men to protect us. We need men to stop protecting each other.
In case it’s not abundantly clear, is one of the most forthright, courageous and insightful thinkers we have in this godforsaken country. Naturally, she’s become the favoured target of powerful people - men, especially - who can’t control her. Stay stalwart, Grace ❤️
Just me quietly enjoying a coffee in Auckland because, unlike convicted domestic abuser Avi Yemeni, I have not been banned from visiting the beautiful shores of Aotearoa 🥰
1. Something men really need to understand is that women are conditioned ~for years~ to make sure they preserve men's feelings, particularly about sex. (Cont) #louisck
"Why don't women report?"
*woman reports*
"Why isn't there more than one woman with a story about this guy?"
*another woman comes forward*
"Women lie."
Many people are saying they'd rather vote for a tremendously unqualified, racist, sexually assaulting misogynist than an experienced woman.
I heard a terrible story this morning about a wee little first grader boy who suddenly stopped asking to bring strawberry milk to school because his friends were teasing him about it being pink. It's fucking flavoured milk. That's how we teach fragile masculinity to boys.
On Oct 5, 2017, the published its expose of serial sexual abuser and rapist, Harvey Weinstein. Almost a year to the day later, a man accused of multiple sexual assaults was confirmed by the US Senate to the highest court in the nation.
But sure, men should be scared.
The collective outrage levelled at for refusing to play nice with a man who declined to investigate an accused rapist in his ranks really tells you everything you need to know about the male commentariat in this country. Laughable.
“Let’s have a conversation about consent! with Clementine Ford”
I made this with the legendary team at . Consent isn’t about milkshakes or shifting lines. It’s an ongoing conversation with respect at its core. Don’t let the government confuse you! #theconsentconvo
No, "spurned advances" didn't "provoke" a mass shooting. Stop blaming women for white men's unchecked anger and entitlement. Stop giving an advance script of justification for next month's mass murderer.
My friend Amy went to a "The Internet" themed party as an unsolicited dick pic 💯💯
No one is mocking for being a Christian. He's being mocked for being a selfish, soulless hypocrite about the tenets of Christianity. Jesus wouldn't have locked bloody kids up in offshore jails. That's the point, you pack of twits.
Peter Dutton has presided over the deaths of innocent people held in offshore prisons, and he doesn’t care. He boycotted the apology. Gonna tweet this every day until the election. #auspol
It's days like these that I have zero regrets about calling Miranda Devine a cunt on live telly. Because she is.
Milestone! Today marks 100 days since I've been cigarette free. I've saved almost $1000 and I haven't smoked 1000 cigarettes. I know it's really a very hard thing to do, but if you want to do it then you have my total support and faith - you can do it!
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3. Women, on the other hand, can relate implicitly to why women would stay in the room. It might be partly shock. It might be partly fear. But it is definitely, definitely always about minimising embarrassment to the man.
I’ve been collecting headlines about Meghan Markle for the last few weeks. It’s been absolutely vile. When Harry says here “they won’t stop until she’s dead”, I really believe that’s true. I’m glad he put her first.
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I’ve never seen this before and it makes the hounding of them by the British tabloids even more grotesque
Rowan fucking Dean imploring the "mums of Australia" to make sure Scott Morrison is re-elected next Saturday, by speaking up today and "saying their piece". Here's my piece, Rowan: Scott Morrison is a fucking fraud and his government kills children. Fuck you.
I want a world in which 20 year old men, not long out of childhood, aren't raping and murdering women.
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7. I just don't think enough men realise how much abuse and harassment happens because women are told all the time to be fucking nicer to men.
I just read that Gary was by Carrie Fisher's side when she died and this has upset me more than anything.
Fuck off, you colossal wankpuffin.
Jacinda Ardern probably isn't perfect, but she's damn near close to it. Imagine being able to be so proud of your leader.
Milo Yiannopoulos is a racist, Nazi enabling misogynist who capitalises on these beliefs in other people to make money and spread hatred. To be very clear, calling me unfuckable is the absolute least of his offences. Please don't make me the reason for your protest.
Gonna start a project called "Fathers Of Daughters" and it will just be screenshots of all the dads who send me rape threats.
Mark Latham now has the parliamentary privilege he's been angling for to defame, harass and bully to his heart's content while pushing a platform that is explicitly racist. He's not a sideshow - he's very dangerous.
Where are the free speech fuckos now that Peter Fuckface Dutton is threatening to imprison climate protesters and strip them of welfare payments?
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9. Oh and if you're wondering, the Venn diagram of anti-feminist men who point to Pakistan as an example of 'real misogyny' because of its rape laws and anti-feminist men who refuse to believe women unless there are multiple corroborating male witnesses is a fucking circle 🔴
Let's talk about things that make you disproportionately furious. One of mine is drivers who don't give the little wave when you let them in.
Killing your whole family is probably the biggest indicator that you aren't a 'good bloke'.
Literally the only time conservatives consider 16 year old girls to not be responsible for their actions and words is when those 16 year old girls are acting and speaking like leaders. Addressing the UN? CHILD ABUSE! Raped at a party? She knew what she was doing.
1. Some thoughts. It was not a lack of ‘situational awareness’ that ended the life of Eurydice Dixon - it was a person who made a conscious choice to exercise extreme violence against her. #eurydicedixon
When I was 13 and going through a terrible mental health breakdown, I briefly considered joining the Catholic Church. I'm glad I started smoking and masturbating instead.
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5. Even afterwards, we will question our own recollection because we've been trained to do that too. We must have imagined it. Was it really that bad? Maybe he meant something difference? Did I overreact? Don t cause a fuss.
Wanted: Dozens of women prepared to wait 25-40 years to destroy an innocent man's career. Must be able to manifest several similar stories of abuse and harassment despite never meeting or conversing with each other. This is an unpaid opportunity.
#metoo #donburke #witcheshunt
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2. I'm seeing so many men insisting that any of these women could have "just walked out" and that they "weren't forced". They think a) women have the same power as them and b) force is just physical.
Andrew Bolt used his nationally syndicated column to attack a child, to accuse her of being 'deeply disturbed' and of having a number of 'mental disorders'. Ableist, repulsive bullying. is a bloody hero. Bolt is a sad, angry nobody.
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8. No more nice fucking witches.
Keep whining, old men. Nothing will motivate young people to double down on their politics and activism more than decrepit dinosaurs trying to shame them for being civic minded. They don't WANT or NEED your approval.
Why does every brain addled man with an internet connection think I owe him a personal debate about feminism? Dicks, I've written almost a million publicly accessible words on the topic. Google it, fuck knuckles.
If your last act before dying was to murder your children, there's probably a reason the Family Court ruled against giving you access to them.
11 women have been murdered by men in the past 22 days. One woman every two days in October. I guess if they were strawberries or farmers, the government might care enough to do something about it.
Scott Morrison is a fucking disgrace. Always has been, always will be.
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Why don't you fuck off and stop telling women what they can and can't wear, you fucking Tory cunt?
Remember when Peter Van Onselen published excerpts from the diaries of a rape victim who had ended her life, casting doubt on the allegations (which were against his good mate) and implying she was just very mentally unwell, and inviting readers to “judge for themselves”?
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4. And that's after we've figured out what's happening is actually happening and not just MADE UP IN OUR HEADS like we're told every time we report dodgy behaviour.
The planet is dying and intolerance is being enthusiastically embraced by bigots the nation over, but thank god the self funded retirees got to keep their rich people welfare. #ausvotes
Isn't it funny how women who swear are always called 'foul mouthed' and men who swear are called 'provocateurs'? I wonder what that's about hey.
Thinking of my son and his little friends and crying over the climate destroyed, bullshit world Australian voters are determined to leave him.
Imagine the father of your baby inviting the entire country to slut shame you because he can't deal with his demotion. Barnaby Joyce is a grubby, disgusting scumbag. Vicki, get out now.
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6. And in all that self doubt lies the preservation of men's feelings. We might be overreacting so don't make him feel bad. We might be misinterpreting so don't accuse him. He might not mean harm, so don't make things awkward.
I'm thinking today of the two women and four children who were murdered in Margaret River yesterday. There isn't enough rage in the world. Stop using "poor mental health" as a scapegoat for domestic homicide and men's violence. Those dead women and children deserve better.
Given the news emerging about the #Christchurch shooting and the connections with trolling, white supremacy and online destruction culture, Australia has to stop giving visas to people like Milo Yiannopoulos. He and his ilk are not harmless.
This is how “journalist” described Meghan Markle in a column today.
“Returning like a dog to vomit.”
Absolutely disgusting. The only dogs returning to their vomit here again and again are the talentless Murdoch hacks obsessed with hounding a woman to an early death.
Racism and structural white supremacy is a TV producer condemning a WOC for calling a white woman out for being racist on morning TV, because it isn't 'nice'. This article is total bullshit but Yumi is ❤️ tvblackbox.com.au/page/2019/1/28
I'm a pretty tough person, but I just had a little unexpected weep listening to coverage of #Kavanaugh's confirmation. We have seen once again how very little women and our bodies matter when it comes to white men affirming their own power. A heartbreaking, rage-making insight.
Really glad that #Roseanne was cancelled. Also amused by the people frothing about this an attack on free speech. It's capitalism. She brought her employer into disrepute and they made a business call. If it was a morality thing, they wouldn't have hired her in the first place.
People have no problem blaming adolescent girls for their online conduct when boys steal their nude photos and share them, but they have a big problem with blaming adolescent boys for their online conduct when they send women rape and death threats. #coulditbesexism
The news out of #Christchurch is devastating and indicative of what happens when you allow white supremacy, men's violence and right wing propaganda to go unchecked. My love to all my friends in Aotearoa right now, and all my Muslim friends everywhere.
My mother had two abortions before she had me. If she hadn't done, I wouldn't exist. Like millions of living people around the world whose mothers controlled when they would have children. This question is so disingenuous and illogical. Cis men can shut the fuck up about this.
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Are you happy your mom didn't abort you?
Show this poll
There are two kinds of men in this ad. Dickheads and good ones. If you're frothing about how mean it is, we know which one them you are.
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WATCH: @MirandaDevine and @Clementine_Ford weigh in on Gillette’s latest ad that’s sparked controversy for tackling ‘toxic masculinity’. What do you make of it? Is it demonising men or making a positive step towards gender equality? #9Today
Nice boys who are good at sports and have lots of friends and are well liked by everyone and who pick up other people's litter and who reach to grab the can for you on the high shelf at the supermarket and have never had a problem finding a girlfriend can still be rapists.
This guy's commentary here is a perfect example of how men who think they get it so often don't. twitter.com/iAmMattyS/stat
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I took my son to get his vaccines today and listened while a mother explained v matter of factly to her enquiring pre-teen son what chlamydia is (there was a poster), how you get it and why it's important to get regular sexual health checks. Parenting done right!
There's something deeply, irreversibly broken about a mindset that thinks more guns is the answer to gun violence. People shouldn't have to become killers to stop other people from being killed.
Channel 9 News report begins by saying a man murdered three people because 'he couldn't handle that his wife had left him for another man'. WHY DO YOU ALL STILL REPORT LIKE THIS????
Reminder that Wayne Carey, who is appearing on TV during the AFL Grand Final, the night where cite a 20% rise in domestic violence, once glassed his girlfriend in the face. #thestandardyouwalkpast
The machine works overtime to give more power to the powerful and gaslight the ones fighting the system. twitter.com/TamePunk/statu
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Show me a woman who doesn't jump for joy upon discovering her dress or skirt has pockets and I'll show you three farm animals sitting on each other's shoulders underneath a smock.
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Also, here's some tea and I can spill it now that I have resigned from Fairfax: in September, they threatened to fire me because I had called transphobic Scott Morrison a 'fucking disgrace' on Twitter and they said that new policy was we 'didn't disrespect the office of the PM'.
So many conservatives losing their shit over a fucking razer ad. Must be hard being that fragile.
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We are so incredibly lucky to have fierce, uncompromising and courageous advocates like , who are intent on changing systems and challenging power rather than making a bargain with them. Protect her at all costs, because they will keep coming for her.
I quit smoking in 2011 and stayed smoke free for 5 years. Then I started dabbling again and was back smoking daily when I was writing my second book. Well, day four of smoke free again. Wish me luck!
GIF
Marriage serves men far more than it serves women. I'm constantly astonished by the laziness men get away with in domestic partnerships. Women have been truly suckered.
Sex is great but have you ever had a really good fart after a long haul flight?
Australian conservatives scoff that 'you can't do or say anything anymore without people being offended!' Proceed to harass a 9 year old girl for peacefully sitting during the national anthem. #ISitWithHarper
Women don't murder men who reject them: me over at writing about incels, male entitlement and the murder of #biancadevins.
10daily.com.au/views/a190719u
It’s outrageous that Morrison is rolling out the lie that HIS government saved 40,000 lives in the pandemic. I remember his vaccine stroll out and derision towards Dan Andrews for having a lockdown that protected the rest of the country. Don’t remember him doing anything else.
Andrew Bolt is a pedophile apologist and scumbag. This is an horrendous slap in the face to the brave survivors of Pell, both the ones we know about and the ones who didn't come forward.
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Let's start with getting some men of merit in there first, eh
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Prime Minister Scott Morrison believes it is crucial to see more women in parliament based on merit.
bit.ly/2ZNyw7G
Sorry Brittney but you should always feel ashamed about voting for anti-immigrant, anti-environment, anti-women, anti-queer fuckheads.
I held my son this morning in the morning light and said, "You are the most precious thing in the world to me."
"Bird," he replied.
The Cranberries’ “Zombie”, except instead of singing “zombie” it’s just “laundry” over and over and over.
#MyMum was forced to leave school at 13 and never completed high school or tertiary education. She was a voracious reader, consuming huge amounts of history and literature. I think sometimes about what she could have achieved if she'd had the right support.
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Oh look, the saggy old ballsack is courting controversy again
I feel I can't even summon the energy to be properly mad yet about the #familylawinquiry. We know Scott Morrison is a cucking funt. We know Pauline Hanson is a fucking idiot. We know the government hates women. It's just not even fucking surprising. Australia is an embarrassment.
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Apart from anything, imagine using your SIGNIFICANT PLATFORM and (unearned) legitimacy as a political new director to systematically bully and needle a childhood sexual assault survivor and advocate. Peter Van Onselen, you disgust me.
Alan Jones has been enabled by his employers and his right wing colleagues, and they must all answer to it. #alanjones #SackAlanJones 10daily.com.au/views/a190819i
Today, Andrew Bolt proudly and without remorse used his significant media platform to declare that the victim and survivor of a childhood rape was actually just a liar, because he likes the man who raped that boy.
I'm no Julie Bishop fan and I don't personally think she or any Liberal would be a great PM, but it's still mind boggling that the most qualified, popular member to lead the LNP to less of an electoral smashing was just so thoroughly ignored by the pale stale males in her party.