"You should smile more," he said.
"You should talk less," she replied.
And then she ate him, and everyone clapped.
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Clementine Ford 
@clementine_ford
Foul mouthed. Best-selling author of Fight Like A Girl (2016) and Boys Will Be Boys (2018). BUY THEM (please)
patreon.com/clementineford
Melbourne TownJoined June 2009
Clementine Ford π§ββοΈβs Tweets
Flight landed 50 minutes ago.
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Hey my child just received a text saying he may not be able to get on tomorrows flight so needs to click in on Link to choose another flight. But Iβm on the same flight with him. Iβm assuming youβre not going to separate us as we both need to be on that flight together ?
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Would be great if Alan Joyce could give up some of his multi million annual salary to pay for actual Qantas staff rather then just laying everyone off. Would be quicker to unload bags ourselves.
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Pretty much the entire audience in tears during the moving panel βWhose Life Is It Anywayβ with & Ruth Shaw chaired by #WordChch
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CHRISTCHURCH DOG ALERT:
On Fendleton Rd - lost and distressed dog on loose. Labradoodle looking breed, about mid thigh height. Off leash and scared and bolting all ways across the road. Council has been called and the dog has run into a nearby reserve. Please be careful driving!
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βItβs a terrible view we have as young girls that our real lives, our happy lives, are sitting just over the horizon, waiting for us to become small enough to fit into them.β
- @clementine_ford, How We Love
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And your account should be called Clemperence due to the amount of time you spend obsessing over me.
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Replying to @clementine_ford @SydOperaHouse and @LibbyODonovan
Should be called Love Semon due to the amount of time you spend obsessing over men
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And hereβs a snippet of and I rehearsing/mucking about ahead of touring #LoveSermon! This is a beautiful, joyful AFFIRMING show about love, science, poetry and the gift of being alive.
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If you missed Love Sermon at the this year, it is going ON TOUR! This show received a loooong standing ovation, and had so many people laughing and weeping with joy. Tickets at lovesermon.com
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It's called solidarity.
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So weird that Blot only cares about defending freedom of speech and expression when it comes to right wing wife beaters π€·ββοΈ
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All they need is a show with Andrew Bolt.
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Just a couple of Good Blokes. Who hasnβt beaten their missus at least once, am I right????
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A big hello to all the angry men on this thread, from me, my Botox and my coffee! Driving down through Aoetearoa now, a country the wife abuser Avi Yemini is still not allowed to enter. This McDonalds flat white is almost as energising as your fury. Almost! β€οΈ
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And hereβs a snippet of and I rehearsing/mucking about ahead of touring #LoveSermon! This is a beautiful, joyful AFFIRMING show about love, science, poetry and the gift of being alive.
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If you missed Love Sermon at the this year, it is going ON TOUR! This show received a loooong standing ovation, and had so many people laughing and weeping with joy. Tickets at lovesermon.com
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Just a couple of Good Blokes. Who hasnβt beaten their missus at least once, am I right????
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Replying to @clementine_ford
Wow! Had some work done 
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Iβll enjoy my coffee, my Botox AND my vaccines!
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Replying to @clementine_ford
Enjoy your coffee and Botox while we get abused for being on the forefront of truth and freedom fighting for you and generations to come.
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(Also, just learned the proper name for βAucklandβ is TΔmaki Makarau - apologies for not using it!)
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Just me quietly enjoying a coffee in Auckland because, unlike convicted domestic abuser Avi Yemeni, I have not been banned from visiting the beautiful shores of Aotearoa π₯°
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The source for that figure can be found here: unodc.org/documents/data
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And this.
βThese kinds of casesβ - where a stranger murders a woman - are indeed much more rare than the more common reality: men murdering women they know.
In 2020, 47000 women and girls globally were murdered by an intimate partner or family member.
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In fact, this is what he had to say about men threatening feminists online, back in 2014. βHysteriaβ
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Weird how Brendan OβNeill has never cared about the countless men who threaten womenβs lives on the daily, both on and offline.
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Today I want to talk about why you buy the way you do. Did you know that WE collectively buy five times more clothes than we bought in 1990? Itβs hard to understand that I think if you were born a bit later.
We simply didnβt always shop that way.
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I love this. Boys are not automatically tarnished by the knowledge that patriarchy will try to harm them and coerce them into toxic behaviours. They can be champions against it, and leaders of men.
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Replying to @clementine_ford and @carlyfindlay
Not sure it's going to numb the impact of the word for his peers, but my 11yo (who's in a male friend group that I find problematic in this way) often uses the word "toxic" to describe his friends' behaviour - directly at them - when he's playing online games. Am a little proud.
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Fight Like a Girl by
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Whatβs the one book youβve recommended to people more than any other over the past 10 years?
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Congratulations on the launch of Teaching Consent, published by Understanding consent keeps everyone safe - from either being a victim of - or a perpetrator of violence.
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Men will literally do anything else but address the incredibly fucked and harmful ways they collaborate with patriarchy against women *and each other*, but god forbid we use a term that makes them feel implicated in their complicity.
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βBut boys and men donβt like being called toxicβ hey I have some great news for you about how girls and women donβt like being called sluts, bitches, cunts, whores and undeserving of basic humanity, not to mention being routinely physically attacked but sorry for your feelings.
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If you take the term βtoxic masculinityβ as a personal insult rather than an accurate description of the ways patriarchy weaponises toxic traits to codify what it wants masculinity to be, youβre probablyβ¦toxic.
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I'm an edgy comedian, I exist on the edge. But when I fall off that edge I want to be put back on it immediately. I want to be protected from the edge I myself boast about existing on. Its not complicated
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This is absolutely horrific. Men are still out here whining that the family court discriminates against them and presumably staying silent on absolute injustice like this.
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A mother in Oklahoma was sentenced to 30 years in prison because her boyfriend beat her and her kid. She was blamedβand got punished harsher than he did.
Cases like this are more common than youβd expect. For the past year, I've been investigating 1/x motherjones.com/crime-justice/
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They called Giuffre an βaccuserβ. Not a champion. Not a survivor. Not even a victim. π€¦π½ββοΈ
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The only scandal is NewsCorp romanticising the SEXUAL ABUSE of an underage survivor in a headline.
How telling, that a publication which thrives on sensation, has chosen ambiguous, racy terms for one of the worldβs most sinister crimes and alleged criminals.
This enables abuse.
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#DearClementine π§
In this new episode talks about how the gender housework gap is affecting a listener's relationship.
Listen to the new episode with Clem at the link in our bio π or wherever you get your pods. π
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On sale: Few topics have inspired authors, artists, poets and pop stars alike as that of...well, love actually. Join and at #MWF22 as they discuss the workings of the human heart, with . Book tickets: bit.ly/3d0kibZ.
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A judge scolded right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones on Tuesday for lying under oath during his defamation trial in Travis County, Tex.
βYou must tell the truth while you testify,β Judge Maya Guerra Gamble said. βThis is not your show.β
wapo.st/3bvkz6f
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