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  1. Jun 7

    searched on fb before buying my luggage and saw your $20 code ty for that money and for being my social media friend xo

  2. May 23

    modern existential crisis: what have I done to be targeted with this sponsored post?

  3. May 21

    watches Carrie once on the sabbath

  4. May 19

    best western taking a chance on some high-concept ads in rural minnesota

  5. May 17

    the only I haven't bought is the night cream. I wonder if I'm about to unlock a new level or have a moment of self reflection

  6. Retweeted
    May 13

    Actually, in America, we don't have to worship God if we don't want to.

  7. May 12

    Me on the bachelor: Christine, 26

  8. May 9
  9. May 8

    raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by a squat bottle of shampoo trying to be you

  10. Retweeted
    May 4

    The moment he realized.

  11. Retweeted
    Apr 30

    Extolling the virtues of capitalism but complaining when it benefits people outside your preferred demographic.

  12. Apr 23

    The sweet springtime sound of slacklining

  13. Apr 18
  14. Retweeted
    Apr 11

    this gif. i'm crying/screaming.

  15. Apr 10

    bananas engineered for your busy lifestyle

  16. Mar 24
  17. Mar 22
  18. Retweeted
    Mar 7

    POOR PEOPLE: we would like healthcare too GOP: well well well, look who could afford to go to applebee's last april! nice try, moneybags

  19. Mar 2

    .' and my internet habits were compared to raccoons searching for trash, which in turn had me searching for raccoons in trash

  20. Retweeted
    Mar 2

    when u perjure yourself and also u a tiny racist goblin

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