christine on Twitter: "Yeah definitely, I suppose getting to the root of it— seeing them as humans and reassuring them that are okay, but not shying away from asserting your own needs/frame/agency… https://t.co/VyREVn6tu5"

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christine Retweeted jamie ryan

from my morning readhttps://twitter.com/self_beware/status/1480601269211328513 …

christine added,

jamie ryan @self_beware

I wrote about the games you lose by playing this one has generated the most response so far. h/t @Aella_Girl for her excellent frame control essay https://depatterning.substack.com/p/mind-games

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christine‏ @christineist Jan 29

Related: concept of frame controlhttps://knowingless.com/2021/11/27/frame-control/ …

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christine‏ @christineist Jan 29

Ugh thinking back to past relationship where I was told I had to deal with mean jokes because people worthy of respect can deal with his brand of humor and changing his jokes for me would be treating me with less respect, and he refused to treat me with less respectpic.twitter.com/1OzTBhcurS

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christine‏ @christineist Jan 29

christine Retweeted Dan Nouement

Looking at it from perspective of drama triangle it went from persecutor (you are too sensitive) to rescuer (I’ll save you from yourself and I won’t treat you with less respect)https://twitter.com/nomanautomata/status/1487124630712193024 …

christine added,

Dan Nouement @nomanautomata

Replying to @VividVoid_

The drama triangle https://leadershiptribe.com/blog/the-drama-triangle-explained#:~:text=The%20Drama%20Triangle%20was%20first,and%20ineffective%20response%20to%20conflict ….

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christine‏ @christineist Jan 29

christine Retweeted Apertator

Tying into another tweet from this morning.. I’m realizing this is all very nebulous and it’s easy to not realize you are being manipulative. Or it’s easy to want to be X and you it fake but don’t make it. And suddenly you are being called performative & bad & manipulativehttps://twitter.com/apertator/status/1487124240348364800 …

christine added,

Apertator @apertator

Replying to @VividVoid_

hmm so a person close to me recently wronged someone in a pretty egregious way and while I know them to be guilt-stricken, confused but not malicious, the message from the wronged party is that they are evil, irredeemable and deserving of public scapegoating

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christine‏ @christineist Jan 29

I guess where I’m ending up is, how do we have better ways to help people save face and safely retreat to being the non-manipulative, earnest and well intentioned people they are?

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christine‏ @christineist Jan 29

It’s totally understandable to 1) have aspirations for being a certain way (attractive, cool, etc) and 2) to feel extremely defensive upon being called out, and to not want to be seen as a bad person

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christine‏ @christineist Jan 29

Right now I’m not thinking about people who are deeply narcissistic/abusive, but rather your everyday friend who may tend to get lost in this direction because they are so charismatic people just get sucked into their frame

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✦ Thom Ivy‏ @thom_ivy_1 Jan 29

Replying to @christineist

I think I struggle with this somewhat, and while I try to ‘awaredly’ suppress environments that feed into the kind of gravity field produced, it’s difficult to raise externally without paradoxically supporting the frame itself

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✦ Thom Ivy‏ @thom_ivy_1 Jan 29

Replying to @thom_ivy_1 @christineist

With some I think you can take a reassuring tone, relieve them of their fear that they are not X way or their need to produce Y impression— to assuage the fundamental insecurity But that’s probably most helpful for only the insecure subtype

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christine‏ @christineist Jan 29

Replying to @thom_ivy_1

Yeah definitely, I suppose getting to the root of it— seeing them as humans and reassuring them that are okay, but not shying away from asserting your own needs/frame/agency

1:52 PM - 29 Jan 2022

1 Like

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1. christine‏ @christineist Jan 29
  Replying to @christineist @thom_ivy_1
  
  I definitely have also struggled with this— I raise a concern but for some reason it totally fits into their frame?? It takes talking to others or time apart for me to realize, wait, that is not how it is for me
  Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
  
  Undo

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