are they charismatic or are they narcissistic and manipulative
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It’s totally understandable to 1) have aspirations for being a certain way (attractive, cool, etc) and 2) to feel extremely defensive upon being called out, and to not want to be seen as a bad person
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Right now I’m not thinking about people who are deeply narcissistic/abusive, but rather your everyday friend who may tend to get lost in this direction because they are so charismatic people just get sucked into their frame
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How to gently push back against their pull, and also how to call out behavior without an underlying accusation of “you are a bad person”?
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A lot of this reminds of nonviolent communication & boundary setting https://g.co/kgs/YnnEhY https://g.co/kgs/YyfP6i
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My go to methods: 1. Make sure the message “you are okay” is communicated. You are my friend, I’m not mad at you as a person, etc 2. Nonverbal boundaries: eye contact, slight irritability, distance, poker face, polite smile, just not engaging/not entering the flow of their pull
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I think I struggle with this somewhat, and while I try to ‘awaredly’ suppress environments that feed into the kind of gravity field produced, it’s difficult to raise externally without paradoxically supporting the frame itself
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With some I think you can take a reassuring tone, relieve them of their fear that they are not X way or their need to produce Y impression— to assuage the fundamental insecurity But that’s probably most helpful for only the insecure subtype
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