are they charismatic or are they narcissistic and manipulative
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Related: concept of frame controlhttps://knowingless.com/2021/11/27/frame-control/ …
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Ugh thinking back to past relationship where I was told I had to deal with mean jokes because people worthy of respect can deal with his brand of humor and changing his jokes for me would be treating me with less respect, and he refused to treat me with less respectpic.twitter.com/1OzTBhcurS
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Looking at it from perspective of drama triangle it went from persecutor (you are too sensitive) to rescuer (I’ll save you from yourself and I won’t treat you with less respect)https://twitter.com/nomanautomata/status/1487124630712193024 …
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Tying into another tweet from this morning.. I’m realizing this is all very nebulous and it’s easy to not realize you are being manipulative. Or it’s easy to want to be X and you it fake but don’t make it. And suddenly you are being called performative & bad & manipulativehttps://twitter.com/apertator/status/1487124240348364800 …
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I guess where I’m ending up is, how do we have better ways to help people save face and safely retreat to being the non-manipulative, earnest and well intentioned people they are?
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It’s totally understandable to 1) have aspirations for being a certain way (attractive, cool, etc) and 2) to feel extremely defensive upon being called out, and to not want to be seen as a bad person
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Right now I’m not thinking about people who are deeply narcissistic/abusive, but rather your everyday friend who may tend to get lost in this direction because they are so charismatic people just get sucked into their frame
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How to gently push back against their pull, and also how to call out behavior without an underlying accusation of “you are a bad person”?
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A lot of this reminds of nonviolent communication & boundary setting https://g.co/kgs/YnnEhY https://g.co/kgs/YyfP6i
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My go to methods: 1. Make sure the message “you are okay” is communicated. You are my friend, I’m not mad at you as a person, etc 2. Nonverbal boundaries: eye contact, slight irritability, distance, poker face, polite smile, just not engaging/not entering the flow of their pull
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