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chrissy teigen
@chrissyteigen
de-motivational speaker
chrissy teigen’s Tweets
Driving home from the hospital with no baby. How can this be real.
In celebration of whatever the fuck maga night is, I am committed to donating $100,000 to the bail outs of protestors across the country.
After 9 years of hating Donald J Trump, telling him "lol no one likes you" was the straw
lol what a pussy ass bitch. tagged everyone but me. an honor, mister president.
Uhhhhhh. Yeah. We know. twitter.com/sassygayrepub/
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Was the arrow necessary
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.@chrissyteigen says her nose has gained weight during her pregnancy — and it turns out that's totally normal insder.co/2wchkuS
My god it feels like I just took off a weighted blanket, unhooked my bra and taken out my extensions all at once
Anyhow fuck trump and keep going. be safe, stay hydrated, wear your mask and again, fuck Donald Trump.
ours too! finally, something in common.
I’m okay!
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John got nominated for a Tony this morning for a song he apparently wrote for spongebob squarepants. Why does he not tell me when he writes spongebob songs?? What else is he lying about?? Are there other songs out there??
😂 a renaissance painting
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Hey @chrissyteigen, let us know if you want a copy of this one. Photo by @CTJPhoto #OneLastDance #HEATCulture #WadeCounty #L3GACY
Oh my god you fucking loser
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Replying to @atrupar
TRUMP: "Did you know I was number one on Facebook? I just found out I'm number one on Facebook." (Trump has 29 million followers; Obama has 53 million.)
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uhhhh you’re a fuckin weird ass
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I can’t believe Taylor Swift is about to turn 30 - she still looks so young!
It’s strange to think that 90% of her eggs are already gone - 97% by the time she turns 40 - so I hope she thinks about having kids before it’s too late!
She’d be a fun mom. :)
Listening to john’s new album for the first time. “You know there’s a lot of women tryin to take your place” bitch what the fuck?
well I’m going to put out a COMPETING PERFUME from a mold of my giant body and it will hold TWICE as much perfume as your bottle and the people will get MORE perfume
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lmao everyone has lost their fucking minds twitter.com/YeshaCallahan/
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I do not normally brag about john, as it is my schtick to make fun of him always, but he flew from London to LA instead of London to DC to have dinner with me and watch love island UK because I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Just a few hours but it meant a lot. Thank u
😂 11 years later, baby
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John Legend opens up about when he tried to break up with Chrissy Teigen and she said "no" justjared.com/2017/09/04/joh
trump became president the same year people started eating tide pods
I don’t even need human John anymore
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Meet the new voice of the Google Assistant: @johnlegend
Coming soon, Google announces at #io2018
yes I buy and leave all the phone chargers all around the house just so you can unplug them all and take them to work with you. all of them! I love that you love chargers! they're all for you! I just love you that's why I buy them. because you love them!
In my deepest, darkest post-partum depression, I would have personally never called a phone number. If John or my doctor never reached out, I would have never even known. It really can be a lonely hole. Watch the people you love and don’t be afraid to speak up.
only I can understand my kid. she’s like “BDIDKDKODKDHJXUDHEJSLOSJDHDUSJMSOZUZUSJSIXOJ” and I’m like “ok I will get you a piece of sausage in just a minute”
wow didn’t u just have a baby John smh go take care of it !!!!!! disgusting
u know who is suffering right now. the paparazzi. ain’t got no one to shoot. some outside my house right now. waiting waiting for a walk that will never happen. a nipple that will never fall out. I think...I think I will give them a nipple
What a dumb fucking tool you are, your family is embarrassed. At gatherings they’re literally like “how’s Jon doing that little dumb fuck tool” and everyone goes “yeah we don’t care he’s a fucking dumb shit” - come say hi if you’re out tonight twitter.com/MillerStream/s
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You just listed 3 jobs. You want me to have more than 3 jobs?
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Replying to @chrissyteigen and @PressSec
And what exactly is your job besides being a bully, rude, and married to John Legend?
This is literally just a graph proving people had to google your dumbass to figure out who you are twitter.com/JacobAWohl/sta
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John got wine drunk and sang a song at universal studios last night
He has been waiting to post this for 5 hours
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yea bitch
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Replying to @chrissyteigen
Was it necessary for you to buy your son a Gucci track suit?
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT twitter.com/VPestilenZ/sta
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And KEEP THIS SAME ENERGY WHEN YOU VOTE. The worst thing that could happen is this all happening for nothing.
I’ve gone my entire life without saying the n word. Not when singing a song, not out loud, not in my head. It really isn’t that hard. The trick is to just...not say it. And boom! You’ve never said it and there’s no tape of you saying it.
I didn’t even know you could be impeached twice. I thought it was like dying
I love you guys
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not if I can help it
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Fuck my fucking face I’m about to get skinny as fuck
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So here’s a list of companies supporting Trump’s re-election:
- Bang
- inn n out
- chick fil a
- Taco Bell
- McDonald’s
- Wendy’s
- KFC
- Pizza Hut
- Olive Garden
- Waffle House
- IHOP
- Carl’s Jr.
So if you see me starting to get thinner and toned don’t ask me why.
ran our asses up the stairs for this shot. just incredible to be here. sober. I know that’s weird but it’s like...a different world for me. everything is new and better. very happy. the most happy bigly happy
"Otherwise" implies you did not like hangin with this baby.
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Cuddling my little nephew Luke... the best part of an otherwise incredible day!
I was *1* minute late picking luna up from school. she was all sweet in her classroom then as soon as we were alone, I buckled her in she said "so why? why were you late?"
I was not prepared for a love like this. you are smart, funny, chaotic and full of love and empathy. happy 4th birthday to my tiny queen
The entire principle of this should be fought - an NDA to stay quiet about this serial monster with over 140 accusers, but I would be absolutely honored to pay this fine for you, McKayla.
please stop reporting me for saying I want to die when John wears sandals
because we know how stupid it fuckin looks lmao
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I never see people driving around with Biden flags, someone want to explain how this guy who couldn’t fill a high school auditorium is leading currently?
i have been training. to be an Instagram fitness model. this is after one bag of tea and 5 reps of 2 squats !!!! If I can do it so Can U!!!!
buying this in my size
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okay guys. throwing john’s 40th birthday party tonight but need your help dressing mini-john. Which one!
How does Ariel know what “reprimand” means but not “feet”
This is called ... a duet
Luna, remember the night before your first day of school? When mommy was making your sign and the pussy ass bitch president had his 9th meltdown of the day
you guys really fucking love game of thrones. which is great. it is great to love things. I honestly thought it was the last episode ever or something, I’ve never seen humans so collectively excited. i am happy for you I really am. excited to find my game of thrones one day
sexiest man title has been a curse upon my family
Hahahahahaha fucking loser
Trump HATES the fact this has empty seats. Definitely don’t share this. It will upset him so.
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The White House 4th of July entertainment is a white guy singing Bruno Mars
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Just caught myself asking john to get up and heat me food then getting mad him for missing part of the show we were watching while he was heating me food. It’s not an easy job, his
everything he does, if it's not evil, is so fucking weird
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America is definitely a woman because that flag looks very polite but uncomfortable
I like to tweet and start my phone timer to see how long it takes my publicist to call me
Corny monster. There were 1 million other ways to try and take me down and this is what you choose? Fuck you. 😁
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The top story on Fox's 10 o'clock hour is Laura Ingraham raging about @chrissyteigen being named to Times top 100 most influential list. Laura is mad that Mrs. Tiegen said a naughty word
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hopefully one with better makeup artists BOOM I roasted a robot next level shit
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Can you guess which city I'm headed to now? Here's a little clue.
How I started 2019 twitter.com/ChristelleBach
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it’s working!!!! she now eats all her food when she orders from the menu and pays for it 😂
I started yoga this week and my first class, after giving myself some belly complaints, the instructor said "well didn't you just have a baby!?" and I said "no, like 18 months ago" and she said "that's JUST" and let me tell you, true or not I could have cried.
well I actually had her drink it so joke's on you
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Replying to @chrissyteigen
Applying poisonous chemicals directly onto a child’s body can not be good . Whatever poisons are in polish are absorbed through the nail and directly into their body.
you aren’t rated at all soooooo twitter.com/RhyanKari/stat
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Ooo they might need more money then. Make it $200,000 t.co/axuJnazJkU
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look at this! suuuuuch a fucking badass. love this woman.
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OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!
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The official @POTUS account now follows 11 people — all of them Biden aides or accounts, and then @chrissyteigen.
aw man, awesome kid and awesome parenting. we all hope for kids like this! t.co/eo29TzdNSr
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my mom treats her air pods like they're disposable. buys a few a month. she says they would be easier to not lose if they had....a cord
Gasp!! *drops biscuits*
how funny would the voice be if everyone were facing forward at the start and then turned around when they didn’t like it
John just asked if I wanted two pieces of pizza or three instead of one piece of pizza or two and ... it just meant so much to me 💕💕💕
I haven't dated for a long, long time but are guys really pulling the "let's be exclusive" thing 6 months into dating like what, I have been exclusive what the fuck have you been
You didn't think your $7.20 would be much. Some of you gave $72 you barely had. In just two days, you guys donated over $1,000,000 to the . Over 20,000 of you donated. You. Did. That. I am so grateful, so happy, so humbled and hopeful to live amongst you wonderful beings.
AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
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Luna bought a locket today and told me to open it, put a kiss in and close it fast so the kiss doesn’t leave. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. My heart
Trump is like, actually racist. He isn't "saying the wrong thing". He is actually racist and means this. Holy shit lol what a fucking idiot
I can confirm postpartum life is 90% better when you don't rip to your butthole. Baby boy: 1 point. Luna: 0
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Didn’t you morons get your panties in a wad defending the baker that didn’t want to make cakes for gay couples?
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Last night I was told by the owner of Red Hen in Lexington, VA to leave because I work for @POTUS and I politely left. Her actions say far more about her than about me. I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully and will continue to do so
