Christine Medrano

@chrissymeds

I'm a comic and I am not sad at all. Follow me on

your mom and dad's house
Joined November 2009

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    27 Sep 2018

    Officer: Have you been drinking tonight? Me: I actually went to Yale and played a ton of sports and a lot of people were my friends and boy, do I love church.

    Undo
  2. 4 hours ago

    Haven’t packed or slept and am going to the airport in 3 hours. ✌🏽✌🏽

    Undo
  3. 5 hours ago

    I haven’t been to an open mic in so long, I can’t tell if I’m funny anymore or just someone’s weird aunt.

    Undo
  4. 5 hours ago

    It hasn’t even been a week into the new year and I am already texting with men from several failed romantic attempts. I knew I’d be back on my bullshit but I never dreamed this quickly.

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  5. 13 hours ago

    “Thinking about cleaning is part of the cleaning process” - me justifying cleaning nothing for 4 hours straight as I sit in the filth that is my apartment

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  6. 17 hours ago
    Undo
  7. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    If ur a Sagittarius how about u fcking grow up

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  8. Jan 3

    My mom read my journal! She said it had too many tropes.

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  9. Jan 3

    I wonder which influencer will be president.

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  10. Jan 2

    Happy “Democrats take over the house tomorrow” eve

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  11. Jan 2

    The cool part of being severed from a social group from speaking out about sexual assault is all the group chats you are no longer part of.

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  12. Jan 1

    Had diarrhea right after my first meal and this is still 100000% better than my New Year’s Day last year.

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  13. Jan 1

    Yo, straight dudes who were waiting for Louie to come back, come claim your man!

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  14. Jan 1

    It’s only the first day of 2019 and I haven’t invested in any crypto currency! This year is already off to a better start than 2018!

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  15. Jan 1

    I don’t know, maybe all your friends do hate you? Anyways, Happy New Years!

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  16. Jan 1

    Left my first party of 2019 early to go to bed.

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  17. Dec 31

    2018 would end on a fucking Monday.

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  18. 31 Dec 2018

    Them: Have a good new year! Me:

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  19. 30 Dec 2018

    This one viral tweet made up for how awful 2018 was.

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  20. Retweeted
    28 Dec 2018

    TONIGHT! 50 comics tell the worst joke they wrote in 2018 then we have a huge dance party. It will be fun and stupid. 9 pm !

    , , and 6 others
    Show this thread
    Undo
  21. 27 Dec 2018

    Woman: are you crying?? Me: MY MAKEUP IS JUST DEWY, YOU DUMB STUPID BITCH! MOVE ON, GET OVER IT!

    Undo

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