It seems appropriate for me to tweet a few words as #WorldMentaHealthDay flips over to #NationalComingOutDay, given me experience with both.
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There was no one to connect the dots except me, because no one was given access to all of the dots. And I refused to draw the lines.
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As the situation worsened, I reached points where people—family and gay friends (some, my chosen family)—grew concerned and said things.
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I didn’t listen, for the most part, although I heard. I damaged many of those friendships, as I continued damaging myself.
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I wasn’t taking care of my bipolar or my growing alcoholism, so I wasn’t truly able to enjoy the out and proud gay life I so wanted to live.
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Eventually, in the summer of 2010 — 15 years after I started coming out — I ran out of excuses for my drinking & I had to connect the dots.
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I stopped drinking & started getting sober. I also learned a lot more about living w bipolar once I stopped trying to smother it w alcohol.
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I started connecting with my family more — but also appreciating the gay family of friends that I have been so blessed to have in my life.
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I’ve been out since 1995-96, living with my bipolar diagnosis since 1998, and sober since 2010. It’s been a roller coaster of a ride.
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But, over these past few weeks, it feels like I’ve learned so much from those experiences and am truly so incredibly blessed.
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Before I knew what was wrong w me, I assumed it had to do w my bipolar, and was honest and upfront and asked friends for help. They gave it.
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Once I was in the hospital—which also happened w the help of friends—the doctors figured out it was Hepatitis A and they monitored my liver.
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Family & friends came in to town to be w me, friends visited me, & messages were constant. It was scary at points, but I knew I was loved.
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Once I was discharged, the love continued — up through today, when I came back to work and they had a late birthday party for me. (Awww!)
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The point: My life is so much better now that I don’t need to compartmentalize all of that. Being honest and open is so much healthier.
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I know I’m so very privileged to work at a place where me tweeting all of this before bed is seen as a positive thing, not an “image issue.”
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But it really shouldn’t ever be seen as an “image issue” for people to be honest about facing mental health issues or treating addiction.
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My being honest about the blessings & challenges of my life (most are a bit of both, tbh) is one of the greatest gifts I bring into my 40s.
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I know such public sharing isn’t for everyone — even if they ~could~ do so. That’s totally fine! It’s not for everyone — or for all times.
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But if your are dealing w similar overlapping issues, I urge you to at least find some place (a group, etc) or someone to share it all with.
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It’s important not to have to rely on yourself to be willing to connect all the dots. For me, sometimes I need someone else to help.
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I love my life, my family, my friends, my job, my being gay, my bipolar, and my sobriety. It took 40 years to say that. But, hey, I’m here.
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So, that’s that. ... And on that note, I’m off to sleep. ... Night, all, and let us be good to one another — and ourselves.
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For more about my sobriety, here’s a thread from June:https://twitter.com/chrisgeidner/status/879875550713716739 …
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End of conversation
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