But, from damn near the start, there were "issues." There were clear signs (that I long ignored) that this was not going to end well for me.
-
-
But, in late June 2010, I found that I had no such excuse, and yet that I was still as out of control as ever with my drinking.
-
So, I started dealing with it. I talked to people, I found help, I stopped drinking, and — eventually — I changed my way of living.
-
My life over the years since has been such a gift. And that's not because it was all easy (it wasn't) or all good (it wasn't).
-
Life has, however, been so ~different~ over these past sober years. ... Just knowing I won't black out or be hungover was a start.
-
But since that became my new normal, so much more has come about because I was able to stop all of the lies that went along with all that.
-
And, once that became normal, I was able to start dealing with still other things I'd been avoiding. It's just a constant building process.
-
And, I'm slow! It took until this spring, for example, for me to really start focusing on my physical health consistently.
-
Folks can joke with me about all of my social media-ing about my working out, but that has been very hard earned self-care.
-
On Wednesday, I left work early to go to the gym before meeting a friend for dinner bc I'd not made it to the gym on Monday or Tuesday.
-
That is a sentence I would not ever in my life have written until this year. I did, however, often leave work early to get to happy hour.
-
Now, it's very different. You see me going to plays all the time. It's not that I'm rich. I've just not been buying drinks for 5+ years.
-
Seriously, do the math. I was drinking a lot on a lot of nights of the week, plus drinking wine at home on "cooking" nights. So much money.
-
So, now, instead of spending money blacking out and regretting my actions, I spend money seeing amazing performances of amazing shows. Win.
-
And, no, not all of it is easy. Are there times I miss it? Sure. Early on, there were lots of times. Even now, there are moments. But ...
-
I just remember how small my world had gotten, how predictable (drunken mess) AND unpredictable (anything could happen) things were.
-
And, it's a similar thing for me when it comes to momentary desires to drink when things are bad or stressful or whatever.
-
I recall what many people have said to me, and it is so true for me: There's nothing wrong in my life that a drink wouldn't make worse.
-
And the corollary, for me, also is true: There's nothing so good in my life that a drink couldn't ruin it.
-
And so, as I enter my 2,001st day without drinking, my life is pretty amazing. I am full of gratitude for this gift I've been given.
-
I live a life full of love, passion, & purpose, & I'm surrounded by amazing people. I want to do all I can to help myself stay on that path.
-
I know there's nothing about my sobriety or life that is permanent, so I will continue moving forward as I've done for the past 2,000 days.
-
Full of gratitude, hope, and (as I constantly try to remind myself) humility — one day at a time.
-
Not just one day at a time — but also by constantly asking for help and being honest with myself and to others about where I'm at mentally.
-
So little of this ~me~ that exists today is actually about me. Everyone in my life who deals with me and helps me is, truly, to thank.
-
And, in that, I have been truly blessed w incredibly wonderful people in my life long before I was ready to get sober — and certainly since.
-
There's always more to say about this topic — it really is about gratitude for my life — but I'm going to end it here for now.
-
My DMs are open, though, & my email is in my bio. Please do feel free to reach out. ... And, everyone, thanks for reading. Y'all are great.
-
Overwhelmed with gratitude for y'all tonight — thanks much — but it's time for sleep. ... Night, all, and let us be good to one another.
- 1 more reply
New conversation -
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.