my tentative hypothesis nowadays is that if you're not needy, you will somehow, automatically, magically be able to convey that you're not needy - no effort necessary
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would be glad to hear about counterexamples though
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well, what do I mean by "glad" I would be unhappy to hear about counterexamples, because who likes being wrong. but bring them anyway
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Replying to @TheOrangeAlt @natural_hazard
i think this is wrong, though i can’t disagree from experience—i also operate under a fairly strict non-neediness directive mainly i suspect that my fear of expressing neediness is preventing me from attaining some of the vulnerability and intimacy i would ideally like to have
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Replying to @choosy_mom @natural_hazard
wrong as in "even if you're not needy you still might come across as needy without wanting to?"
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Replying to @TheOrangeAlt @natural_hazard
not exactly, though i do think that’s also the case—we communicate a lot more than we’re consciously aware of, and sensitive people can often pick up on it
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what i meant is: i think this is wrong for me bc in reality i *am* needy, maybe not more than other people, but i do have needs wrt connection/affection, and i think it might be unproductive to conceal those
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Replying to @choosy_mom @natural_hazard
oh! I'm not saying being non-needy will conceal your needs - I'm saying it will conceal your neediness ie. you'd be able to convey "I need X" without conveying "I'm needy"
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where "neediness" roughly means "I need X + if you don't provide X, I will take is as rejection, not as mere refusal"
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one way to be non-needy is to be able to get X elsewhere. "do you want to be my friend?" but minus "I have so few friends and I'm lonely :("
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yep this totally makes sense! i think i’m conflating needs vs. neediness in a way that you aren’t, and also attaching some of the annoying/unfavorable connotations of neediness in places they don’t have to go
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